I like to think of the Rock of Love 2 Reunion show as the reward to having sat through the whole season. Not because it’s hosted by Heavy Metal expert Riki Rachtman, but because the girls know it is likely their last televised hurrah. For some, having seen the footage from the show itself, they just want to sit in the back and try to cover their faces. But for others it is their last chance to air their histrionic antics in the most public way possible. Which screams entertainment!
The first hot mess that splashes across the screen is French, plastic surgery addicted stripper; Angelique. She’s still a tranny disaster, but now she’s heard what Aubrey had to say about her during the show and she has a rebuttal. It’s about as sensible as we could expect from her as she yells that Aubrey looks like a rat on crack. Or maybe Ratt on crack, I can’t be sure with her accent. Aubrey tries to raise the question of Angelique’s gender but Bret got an eyeful on a few of the challenges and he confirms that she’s got female parts. Whether she was born with them or they were medically created is still up for debate, of course. She tells Aubrey to kiss her "purrfekt Barbee az!" and dances her last dance for Bret. Much to everyone’s horror.
The next montage is all about Destiney and how she was eliminated for being a groupie. Which defies explanation, really. For her part, Destiney explains that she was not a groupie but has spent a lot of time hanging around the rock and roll lifestyle and understands what it means. Which kinda makes her a groupie, right? It is interesting that she sticks to her guns about not being in love with Bret, revealing that she only spent about 2 hours alone with him in the month that she was there. She also makes it clear that it is because Bret was spending all his time with certain drama queens. And the camera pans to Kristy Joe and Daisy. Nice!
There is also a very tearful montage about Destiney’s dad, who unfortunately succumbed to the cancer that had moved from his liver to his brain. Many of the girls come to the stage to comfort Destiney, and she give Bret a very genuine and heart felt thank you in regards to giving her family a wonderfully memorable day by taking them all out for a Harley ride. Even Bret tears up and Riki lets viewers know where they can make donations. It’s the first and likely the last time Rock of Love will be anything other than an embarrassing train wreck, so enjoy it while it lasts.
Especially because it’s time to review Kristy Joe’s antics. And dear god, seeing them all strung together in under 5 minutes shows more clearly than anything else how unstable that girl is. And how very honest Bret was being when he admitted to being attracted to crazy girls. Because she is the craziest. Riki tries to ask her what in the world seemed OK about being married and going on a reality show to find love, but she spews her usual double talk. It’s all about how she was separated, not divorced and blah blah blah. Except we just saw a clip that clearly showed that her husband clearly was not aware of said separation and possible divorce proceedings until well into her stay at the Rock of Love house. But, in the end, it doesn’t matter because she has "committed" to 6 months of couples therapy with her husband to see if they can make it work. I think she needs a different kind of commitment, but that’s just me.
There is a weird montage of Kristy Joe and Aubrey’s relationship, which is clearly edited to make it look like they were lovers at the house. A myth that Aubrey is quick to try and dispel. And which Riki and Bret as just as quick to try to make linger. There is also a "performance" segment, where Peyton lip syncs her way through a song she wrote about the show. I’m just glad it wasn’t a performance by Daisy, who’s ability to sing is questionable at best. I don’t think all the production and backing vocals in the world can help her.
Heather gets brought out, because she’s classic crass. The immediate focus is put on how she clearly did not get along with Daisy. Heather tries to defend herself, saying that she doesn’t understand why she is blamed for all the things Daisy did wrong when all she did was point out all the things Daisy did wrong. And, as Bret points out, hit her in the face with a bottle. Heather clarifies it was actually a can of Red Bull, as if that makes it better.
They go right into Daisy’s elimination, which she is still "bummed about". She continues that she felt like she opened herself up (really, she makes this too easy), and admittedly hooked up with Bret several times and it sucked to be rejected in the end. But she crosses the line with Heather when she contends that Bret never tried to get to know her because he just saw her physically and that he should have suggested they just cuddle the last night in Mexico rather than "sealing the deal". She insists that he took advantage of her and that she isn’t "just some girl he can sleep with".
Of course, Heather can’t let that pass and she she points out that Daisy was some girl he could just sleep with the whole time she was in the house. Well, actually she calls her a whore, but I think I know what her deeper meaning was. And that scares me. However, this is where it all devolves, because Daisy calls Heather Stevie Nicks (which, given that sequined head scarf, is pretty damn funny. And I’m also kind of amazed that Daisy knows who Stevie is). From there Heather accuses Daisy of trying to steal her look and Daisy is off the couch with her finger in Heather’s face screaming that she OWNS her look and from there, it is ON. Like Donkey Kong, even. Big John and Bret each grab a girl around the waist, but Heather has a handful of Daisy’s weave and is using the other fist to beat Daisy in the head. Repeatedly. This girl is not holding back! And as she is dragged backstage by Bret, you can hear her whine "You always take her side!" HEE!
We come back from the commercial and Daisy is back, while Heather is not. But it doesn’t really matter, because it’s time to get to the winner of the show, Ambre. The montage covers all the salient points: almost eliminated at the first episode, great kisser, known Bret since the 12 century, not wearing panties. Bret admits that though they were not supposed to see each other, he may have snuck in "some boom boom". Let me just declare this loud and clear: baby talk is about as unsexy as any single thing can possibly be. However, it does really add to the aura of unsexiness Bret has created over 2 seasons.
Ambre admits that being backstage with all the women fawning over Bret was actually a turn on and that she especially enjoyed being on the bus. She declares that she isn’t naive, but that she thinks he is looking for something deeper than he could have with the average groupie. She repeats that he is talented and ambitious and has a career that keeps him on the road a lot and so does she, so they can be partners and lovers and friends because they get that about each other. And so, despite my prediction that they would break up on the reunion show as we have seen so many times before, it seems that they are going to continue dating.
So does this mean Heather is getting her own reality show?