Rock of Love 2
has made a valiant effort to live up to the pure trashiness of its first season, but I am just not certain that it can deliver. Oh sure, it has way more to offer in the way of ratty extensions, horrific plastic surgery and questionable fashion choices – but is any of that a substitute for one girl telling a father that his daughter is a slut whom she saw **** Bret’s ****? I didn’t think so either.

The group has returned from Vegas to a house that is quiet and near empty, but that doesn’t stop their dismay when Big John appears with buckets of cleaning supplies. You mean they must look cheap and clean? What kind of forced labor camp is this!? However, when they get the hint that they will soon see a familiar face, they all rush off to scrub. Too bad they aren’t scrubbing their ethical skin. Yes, I just totally quoted Kabir in a Rock of Love recap. What?

Ambre is the first to see a "familiar Face" – her dad’s. Soon after, Destiney’s parents arrive and her dad gets immediate hardcore geek points for sporting a head tattoo that makes him look like a Trill from Star Trek. I swear. Even more so when it is revealed that he has less then 6 months to live. Ouch. Daisy gets anxious in regards to who will show up for her, since she is estranged from her family, but she seems overjoyed to see Stephanie. Stephanie is her ex-boyfriend’s older sister. You know, the ex-boyfriend she lives in a 1 bedroom apartment with but apparently there is nothing going on with? Yeah, that one.

The entire group has a dinner, made slightly awkward by Ambre’s dad slipping up and revealing her age and Destiney’s oft repeated jokes about the size of her chicken breasts. That wasn’t even funny when I was a kid. The awkward dinner moves into a full on awkward evening, when they all sit down to watch a Poison video. Which is bad enough. It’s made worse when Destiney begins dancing around and acting like a groupie. Thankfully, the video ends and Bret tells Daisy and Stephanie to get ready for their date. As they go to leave, Destiney gives Bret a long kiss good bye, which Daisy calls "classless". And, she would be the expert, really.

Bret takes Daisy and Stephanie to Rainbow, which makes Daisy deliriously happy. She is made less then deliriously happy when Bret starts talking about relationships and trust and her situation with Chuck again. She thinks it’s just "inappropriate". I am more awed by the fact that she can speak that polysyllable with those lips. She is her typical evasive self, especially when she says that her relationship with Chuck ended because "someone cheated on someone". Bret takes that to mean that she cheated, which she denies, but she also won’t say that Chuck cheated. Stephanie remains conspicuously silent on the matter, only assuring Bret that they are no longer together in any way other than friends.

The next day, Bret takes Destiney and her parents out for a ride on some Harley’s. It seems like it is geared more towards her father, who clearly is enjoying himself. They end up at a tattoo parlor, where Destiney sits to get a tattoo. On the back of her neck.  Because that worked out so well for Heather. She doesn’t get his name, but does get the Rock of Love logo. Which is just as bad, really. She should have gotten the Trill spots like her dad.

Ambre is the last to get a date, when Bret takes her and her father out for sushi. It seems like it is geared specifically towards making her father uncomfortable, as he has never had sushi and can’t eat with chopsticks. Bret confronts her about her age, revealing that her dad told him that she’s 37 when she had previously told him that she was 32. She doesn’t recall the lie (it happened during their spiritual meeting, when they were told they had known each other for centuries). Ambre tries to pull it together and ends up admitting to Bret that she has fallen in love with him. His response? A monotone "Right, gotcha." Ahh, romance.

But soon, it’s time for the guests to all go back to the real world, while the girls go to the elimination ceremony. Before the ceremony, Ambre, feeling certain she is going home, decides to confront Destiney about her reasons for being on the show. It is revealed that she does not feel like she is in love with Bret, since she hasn’t spent enough time with him. I nearly faint at the display of pragmatism. Both Daisy and Ambre tell Destiney that it’s not fair that she may get to stay when they are both in love with Bret, whereas Destiney might be just as excited to hang out with Bon Jovi or John Stamos. Which is more like the kind of idiocy we are used to!

At the elimination ceremony, Bret goes into the pros and cons of each girl before coming to Daisy and mentioning all the skeletons in her closet. He asks if there is anything else she needs to get off her chest and she admits there is. Sadly, she doesn’t mean her implants. Instead, this is her chance to oust Destiney as not being in love with him. There is a small tiff, but Destiney admits that she is not ready to say she loves him because they haven’t spent enough time together for her to know that yet, but that she is willing to find out. Unfortunately for her, Bret didn’t actually mean it when he said he wanted to find the one truthful girl in the house, because despite her total honesty about her feelings, he tells her that he tour has ended.

When he comes back to the house, he wipes a tear away while congratulating the final two, Daisy and Ambre, before informing them that he’s taking them to Cancun, Mexico. So they can get drunk on tequila instead of lite beer!

Posted by:Jessica Paff