You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout. Why? Because Santa Claus doesn’t want to hear your crap. He’s tired. He’s cranky, and frankly, his cholesterol is through the roof. So unless you want coal making an appearance later this week, just lie low and don’t rock the boat because Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town, and the entire thing is being aired Friday, Dec. 24, on ABC Family. Replete with back story, S.D. “Special Delivery” Kluger (Fred Astaire), an early version of Anderson Cooper, tells us of the fire that forged our red-suited hero. So if you love Christmas the way a penguin loves a scarf, call your friends because we’re throwing a Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town party!
Setting the scene:
The North Pole is a winter wonderland covered in snow and populated by elves who live in gingerbread houses (not really, but we’re hungry). So buy artificial snow, and cover everything in sight. Then bring in several Christmas trees (real or artificial – your call), and decorate in various states of glory – we recommend using silver and gold. Have some large gingerbread houses scattered about, and sprinkle them with powdered sugar (the other fake snow tastes like reindeer fur). Speaking of which, you’re going to need to get your hands on some illuminated animatronic reindeer. You’ll also want to get Santa’s friends, such as Topper the penguin and Winter Warlock. Have a sign over your front door that reads “Kringle’s Toy Shop” and dress the kids up as Kringles. Add a toy train, and have its cars filled up with magic corn – it makes the reindeer fly. Build a chimney with a sack of toys stuffed in it. Invitations should be written on wish lists, and party favors can be gift-wrapped fruitcakes or bags full of iced Christmas tree cookies. And don’t forget a pole indicating geographical location!
Come as a character! We’d especially enjoy a few Burgermeister Meisterburgers!
On the menu:
Christmas cookies, pies, cakes, candy canes, gingerbread men, malted milk balls (labeled “Prancer Poop”), hot chocolate, eggnog and warm milk. (Santa didn’t get fat eating healthy.)
On the hi-fi:
While this special doesn’t actually have a full soundtrack per se, it does feature some pretty great songs including the title track as well as First Toymaker to the King and Put One Foot in Front of the Other. Fill in with the rest of your holiday favorites.
Unbeknownst to us, Santa’s Workshop is located in the Adirondack Park in upstate New York near Lake Placid. (It probably has something to do with its proximity to a FedEx hub.) Why not move the entire party up there to see what a mess elves make while on deadline?