The season finale of State of Mind had surprise pregnancy, lost children, heartfelt conversations, confessions, love lost, love found, and a rousing dance number at the end (sort of). And as far as I can tell, I was the only person in the Zap2It universe watching it. I have no idea if the show is coming back for another season, but if it is, I doubt we’ll be covering it unless we hear from a heck of a lot of you.

Spoilers follow.

The Shrink Dream of the Week features Ann in a wacky lost-and-found shop staffed by Fred, and it’s all about how she was looking for one thing and found something else entirely. This, of course, means she’s pregnant. Apparently Lost-and-Found dreams are supposed to be about accidental pregnancies, just like flying dreams are supposed to be about sex. Who knew?

So, wacky hijinks for Ann — who’s the father? Is it her ex-hubby Phil, the boring guy she’s glad to be rid of? Or William, her exciting one (maybe two) night stand, who just happens to be a friend’s ex-husband and who she barely knows? Ann’s hallucinations this week involve Phil and William draped around just about everywhere she goes in their pajamas. It’s kind of funny, but it’s too little, too late.

So. Lots of angst about what Ann will say to them. Lots of gags with Ann holding a half-dozen pregnancy tests, some morning sickness references (this episode sponsored by Canada Dry — when you think puking your guts out due to a surprise pregnancy, think Canada Dry!) and a lot of wibbling until we get to the meat of the matter. Phil reveals that it can’t be his, because he’s sterile. This is something he never mentioned in six years of marriage, because the time never seemed right. Phil is an ass.

Ann calls William, who is in St. Louis with a friend (presumably one with benefits), and Ann wimps out on telling him because she figures he’s moved on. But lo! Who is this at the door with a single rose and a can of clams at the very end of the episode? It’s William, saying he’s not over Ann! He’s thrilled Ann’s carrying his child, and they dance off into the sunset. Happy ending number one.

Note to anyone who may be reading this: I really don’t think canned clams are the ideal gift, especially for those suffering morning sickness. Granted, William didn’t know about the morning sickness, and the can of clams was supposed to hearken back to the beginning of their madcap romance, but canned clams? Ew.

James has his own problems: His dad got kicked out of his apartment building for harassing the ladies in some unspecified way. Dad’s the typical British-accented ex-actor charmer, and he and James had a strained relationship, you know the story. And guess what! He’s also got the early signs of Alzheimer’s disease, something James refuses to acknowledge until Daddy wanders off with a small child. Awkward!

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In Barry’s world, Lola, one of Cordelia’s students from the teen mothers’ program comes to him for help, since her baby daddy’s grandmother wants to take her baby away. Cue the angst and the sobbing and the she’s just mean, and really I’m a good mother, etc. Cut to Barry finding out Lola lives in squalor (which, by the way, looks disturbingly like my apartment), Lola weeping that she tries real hard, and she’s a good mother and oh, the drama! Lola then loses her kid when James’ dad wanders off with her. Again, awkward!

Barry comes up with a  brilliant solution for the kid problem — he brokers a deal for Lola and Ladonna to move in with the baby daddy’s grandmother, so Lola can keep going to school and Ladonna will get quality care. Happy ending number two.

James and his dad talk about how dad’s losing it, and he needs to go into assisted living, and dad says eh, it could be worse, and you’ll come visit, right? Happy ending number… um, does that actually count as a happy ending? Bittersweet ending 1, I guess.

Taj is counseling a couple with sexual difficulties — the wife has lost desire for sex. Apparently, that happened on her wedding night, since her husband is terrible in bed. She didn’t say anything about it for their entire decades-long marriage. Ann suggests they tae up lessons — dancing lessons, provided by Fred. Even in Hartford, I’m sure they could get slightly more relevant lessons — he could learn about foreplay, and she could learn about speaking the hell up, perhaps? I’m glad the wife was able to take care of her needs herself, but seriously, maybe hating sex with hubby is something she should have brought up a year or twenty ago? Sheesh.

But Fred’s ministrations apparently are just what the couple needed. They learn the foxtrot, and in theory this will help their horizontal mambo. Happy ending number three (or four, if you counted James’ dad agreeing to go into a nursing home without a fight a happy ending, which I don’t, really.)

And we all go out listening to Ella James singing "At Last." It’s a good, if predictable, song to wrap up a predictable, but sadly not terribly good, series. Lili Taylor was wasted, the stories veered from completely boring (anything to do with Phil) to wildly overdramatic (Cordelia’s not-crippled stalker?), and the series as a whole was so muddled that I don’t care what would come next. In theory, Taj will learn the error of his ways and his wife and daughters will come back from Cairo,  James and his dad will have a good relationship, Ann and William will be blissfully happy together, Barry will get some clients, and Cordelia will get more than two seconds of screen time. In practice? I’ve checked out, and so, apparently, have all of you. So goodbye, State of Mind. I hope your actors get better jobs next time around.

Posted by:Sarah Jersild