British lawyers: They’re all no good on “Suits.”

One fails to meet the emotional needs of his cat, another orders the killing of multiple civilians in a war-torn country and then pins the crime on his client. It’s no wonder that all of the New York lawyers in “She’s Mine” find themselves pitted against their so-called allies.

Oh, and the title? It’s pretty much about a cat.

About that cat …

Louis has been watching Nigel’s beloved kitty, Mikado, while the Brit vacations in China. Alas, Nigel comes home early and — not surprisingly — wants his cat to come back. But Louis has come to love the cat as his own and demands a mock trial to gain custody of little Mikado.

Since there’s pretty much no one else in the firm who likes Louis enough to give him any sort of legitimate defense in a cat custody hearing, it’s Rachel who’s tapped for the job. She turns out to be pretty brilliant, actually.

Even the surprise return of Harold (Harold!!!) as a character-assassination witness doesn’t derail Rachel’s arguments. They only help prove that Louis, though a stern taskmaster, only ever has the best intentions for all those in his care.

But Louis doesn’t get to keep the cat. After all, Nigel loves that animal, despite Louis’ allegations. The two lawyers agree to a deal instead: Nigel gets Mikado, and Louis gets control of the associates again.

Rachel, meanwhile, gets something a little more important: an acceptance letter to Columbia Law School.


We move now from cat custody to mass murder. As you do.

Cameron Dennis now has that corrupt Colonel as a witness against Ava Hessington. And the Colonel is more than willing to say that he was paid to kill dissidents in order to further the desires of Hessington Oil. It’s really too bad that Stephen Huntley’s phone call led Cameron right to the man …

Jessica — who starts off the episode totally being furious at Harvey over his semi-betrayal, by the way — thinks that the best defense is a good offense, this time directed at Ava’s number-two man. He denies making payments for murder, of course. That’s because he didn’t do it. Jessica, however, doesn’t really care. She’s too busy being on a mission to prove that bosses don’t always know what those just below them are doing.

Not that this has anything to do with her own situation.

Thanks to some fun usage of Mike’s photographic memory and a whole lot of conflicting agendas on how to proceed, the lawyers finally figure out who ordered the kill. It’s not who you would think of.

Stephen Hartley: Lover. Rugby player. Killer.

Yes, it’s Stephen Hartley who ordered the deaths of those who stood in the way of Ava’s pipeline. Sure he was under orders at the time — Darby (thinking this would help his beloved Ava) told his fixer to make everything work — but that’s never been a terribly believable defense.

Stephen also happens to be an old friend of the Colonel’s, back when they played college rugby together many years before. That’s the final nail in Stephen’s coffin. He is a murderer.

Harvey doesn’t like murderers. And Harvey expresses this dislike in the room where so many of his confrontations seem to occur: the bathroom. Both men leave alive, but neither Stephen’s head nor the bathroom mirrors are entirely intact.

The end of the affair

Does Harvey’s violence in this particular situation have anything to do with Donna and her dalliance with Stephen? The answer remains — as everything must when dealing with Harvey and Donna’s relationship — a mystery. What we do know is that Stephen Hartley is not doing so hot by the time lawyer and secretary both get done with him.

That’s because Stephen used Donna. Poor choice. Because she’s Donna (“I’m Donna!”), the fact that Stephen used her for extra copies of legal documents is quickly found out.

Donna could put up with the enmity between her boss and her lover. But she does not do betrayal. The sex stops here.

Um, how do you deal with murderous lawyers?

So we now know that Darby’s law firm is willing to resort to murder in order to achieve its ends. Jessica and Harvey and the rest are now in bed with straight-up murderers.

It’s enough to make Daniel Hardman look a little like the jolly Santa Claus he pretended to be.

On the flipside, at least fighting off the control of such amoral and dangerous people brings Jessica and Harvey back together again. Nothing is forgotten — that’s for sure — but the working relationship can move forward.

And they’re going to need each other.

Posted by:Laurel Brown