supernatural 903 recap 'Supernatural' recap: Cas needs the sex talk, Zeke needs a time out

And just like that, Zeke lost any goodwill he earned by helping to heal Sam. With one ultimatum, the angelic pacemaker turned all fans against him in Tuesday, Oct. 22’s all-new episode of “Supernatural.” What exactly did he do in “I’m No Angel” to piss off the “Supernatural” fandom?

Warning: This recap contains major spoilers. Avert your eyes now if you have yet to see Tuesday’s episode.

Let’s start at the beginning. Castiel, making his long trek to the Men of Letters bunker on foot, is going by the alias Clarence (fun “Supernatural” callback: Demon Meg called him that once upon a time, because as Sam pointed out, it’s the name of a famous angel from “It’s a Wonderful Life”). Living as a human is proving to be more difficult that he thought: He is living in a shelter, picking up trash to earn his keep, eating toothpaste (guess he still has a lot to learn), getting handout food from other generous homeless people, etc. 

But he’s not as safe as he thinks: The angels are organizing to find and hunt Cas for kicking them out of heaven. Zeke picked up chatter and warned Dean (Love how quickly Jared Padalecki can make the switch from easygoing Sam to uptight Zeke in one second flat. As Dean said, it’s impressive that he’s not getting whiplash!). Dean — making up a lie that he just assumes other angels are organizing to hunt Cas — convinces Sam that they need to find him first and help get him back to the bunker.

Making everyone’s job finding him just a bit harder, Cas got angel ward tattoos on his abdomen, and they work. The angels can’t find him. But having spent all his money on the tats, Cas now has no food (He also gets a humorous/intriguing lesson on faith from a human … to a former angel. Anyone else laughing at the irony?). Forced to dig through trash to find sustenance, a kind, beautiful stranger named April Kelley (uh oh … ) gives Cas her pb&j. She takes pity on him sitting out in the rain, so she brings him home, patches up his arm (an angel found him, tried to kill him and slashed his arm, but Cas stabbed him), and things … escalate. That’s right, our favorite angel has experienced one of humanity’s greatest perks: Sex! 

Unfortunately, Cas’ cuddle buddy isn’t just some empathetic kind woman … as is evident by their morning-after. April steals his angel knife, cuts fruit with it (?), and then holds him hostage. It turns out that she’s actually reaper for hire!

Now, how did a reaper for hire come to follow Cas’ trail? Let’s back up a bit. Naomi’s protégé Bartholemew is intent on gaining his (dead) boss’ position. He’s using an internet reverend with global reach, some fanatic named Buddy Boyle, to tell humans in his podcast to say yes to angel possession (as the angels all need proper vessels). Bart even goes so far as to using God as his argument (when we all know the man upstairs has left the building). But not all humans are prepared to house an angel, and some explode brutally … Bart calls these necessary “casualties,” as if we needed another reminder that angels are not the kind, forgiving beings we thought before “Supernatural” Season 4 showed us otherwise. Fed up with the angels’ progress in finding Cas, he employs reapers for hire. One of these bounty hunters, Maurice, follows the Winchesters, hoping they will lead him straight to Cas. Unfortunately for Maurice, the Winchesters know when they’re being tailed and put the poor sap out of his misery.

Dean, like Bart, is getting fed up with not being able to find Cas, so he appeals to Zeke to make an appearance. While Zeke can’t locate Cas — those warding tats are doing their job — he scans for any reapers for hire on Cas’ tail, and that leads them straight to April Kelly’s vessel … just in the nick of time. 

Sam and Dean bust in to her apartment, and a fight ensues. Sam gets knocked out while Dean uses the angel blade and fatally stabs April … but not before she fatally stabbed Cas in the gut. He dies, and not going to lie, it looked like it might be permanent. Hey, Misha Collins is nowhere to be found in these first look photos from next week’s episode. Before tumblr could explode with the anger of the “Supernatural” fandom, Zeke takes over Sam once more, heals Cas, and knocks Sam unconscious again. To cover up Zeke’s interference, Dean lies and says he made a deal with April to heal Cas and he wouldn’t kill her … but killed her anyway. Cas seems almost shocked that Dean went back on his work: “You lied.” Dean’s retort? “I did. I do that.” Yes, yes he does. But more than Sam and Cas know.

Danger averted, Sam and Dean finally bring Cas back to the safety of the Men of Letters bunker. All seems well, as Cas showers and finds “plentiful” food in the kitchen. He even talks with the brothers about how he’s realizing there is more to being human than just surviving, and he’s impressed with how the Winchesters have lived their lives with purpose all this time. As if Sam and Dean weren’t amused enough already, Cas then drops the bomb that he lost his virginity — oh-so-casually, of course. Dean could not have looked any prouder, but it looks like Cas is going to need the sex talk pretty soon, as he didn’t understand the meaning of “protection” (he thought that meant having an angel blade on him … ). 

But the shocker in the final moments of the episode means that Dean won’t be able to be Cas’ love spirit guide after all. Zeke resurfaces in Sam’s mind to tell Dean that he refuses to stay if Cas stays in the bunker. The angel says that with the angels hunting Cas down, his presence in the bunker puts them all in danger. He makes Dean choose: Zeke’s continued residence in Sam, a.k.a. his brother’s life, or Cas’ safety. 

This is Sophie’s choice for Dean (and all Team Free Will fans). How could Zeke do this? Obviously, Dean picks Sam, and is forced to kick Cas out. The heartbroken, confused, betrayed, hurt look on Cas’ face is just brutal. Poor guy! He finally made it to the safety of the Men of Letters bunker and to the comfort of his friends/family, and now for reasons he doesn’t know or understand, he’s being kicked to the curb? Where will he go? Will he ever forgive Dean? What will Sam say when he learns what Dean did? How will Dean explain himself? Can we build a time machine to fast forward to next Tuesday? No? Boo.

So what did you think of “I’m No Angel?” Did Cas’ de-virginizing entertain you, or were you too worried about April’s endgame? Hit the comments below with your thoughts/opinions/rants/raves.

“Supernatural” airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET on The CW.

Posted by:Sydney Bucksbaum