parvati shallow survivor 'Survivor': Heroes vs. Villains': JT Thomas gets schooled, Parvati makes a monster moveJT Thomas ambles off into the sunset on “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains” after Parvati Shallow plays two Immunity Idols, neither of which for herself. Holy crap.

The Merge
The tribes are moaning about not having a merge yet. Man, these veterans are pretty whiny when things don’t go according to plan. They then get the message about how the Villains are coming to the Heroes camp.

So Russell, Danielle, Parvati and Jerri are scrambling to explain to the Heroes how Parvati is still around and they decide they will say that Russell and Parvati both played Idols, so Courtney went home. They then plan that Russell is going to make the Heroes think he’s voting with them to vote for Parvati, Parvati will use the Idol and then JT will be out. Sandra seems to overhear their plan.

Parvati talking-heads about how she and Russell are Queen and King of Survivor and the Queen is keeping her Hidden Immunity Idol secret from everyone except her Lady-in-Waiting Danielle. Heh. I am enjoying Parvati this season and I didn’t think I would.

When the Villains arrive at the Heroes camp, JT sees Parvati and then Russell and just figures out that Russell must have played the Idol and Parvati played another one. Man, it is like JT was handed a Team Russell script or something. This is too hilarious. He also assumes there are no Idols left in anybody’s pockets. Mwahaha.

Parvati immediately goes back to being annoying when she gets all uppity about the Heroes not liking her and thinking she’s stupid. They know you’re a threat, dummy! They want you gone. Stop pulling so many b**** faces.

Russell spins his tail of the two Idols being played to JT and Rupert, saying that after they both played their Idols there was a re-vote and neither of them could vote, so Courtney voted for Jerri and everybody else voted for Courtney. He then tells them he is on board with the Heroes. JT trusts him because he’s a good ol’ country boy as they talk about being in it for the long haul, Russell interviews about them swallowing his crap hook, line and sinker. Heh. This really is delightful to watch.

Except Sandra the Snake goes to Rupert and spills the beans about Russell being the kingpin and Parvati being his right-hand man. She also tells him how the vote really went and says that Russell is a total liar. Oh Sandra. Why wouldn’t you just throw in with the Villains? She has to know they are better at strategy and sneakiness and the Heroes don’t care about her and probably don’t really trust her. That was a bad move on her part, I feel.

After breakfast, Danielle and Parvati go after some plantains and the Heroes go a little bonkers. Uh, how about instead of whining about it, you just tell them how you split up the food? Just communicate.

Meanwhile, Rupert tells JT, Amanda and Candice about how Russell is playing them. And JT and (I think) Amanda think that there’s no way Parvati is still around if she didn’t play the Idol, but they agree to tell Russell they’re voting for one person and then switch at the last minute.

JT’s hubris in his interviews is staggering. He flat-out says, “Do you believe what Sandra told you or do you believe the obvious truth? If Sandra’s story turns out to be true, and Russell did not play the Idol, then that means I’m probably going home the next Tribal Council. Do I believe it? Not a chance in the world. But you never know in this game.” Oh, JT.

Amanda and Parvati come together in a shaky alliance, though you can tell neither trusts the other that much. But Parvati does reveal she has an Idol, which is dumb. Amanda’s response is,”Another one?” So she clearly still thinks Parvati played an Idol already.

Immunity Challenge
The challenge is clinging to a pole for as long as you can. JT, Candice and Parvati have done this one before. Sandra’s leg starts shaking and Colby can’t get situated, so they drop after like 30 seconds. Wow, that is weak-sauce Colby. The thin women are having the easiest time with it, probably because they can get more foot on the toeholds. Russell and Rupert quickly drop and it’s down to the 6 skinny women plus JT. Candice looks cool as a cucumber. 20 minutes in, Amanda drops.

JT can’t seem to get comfortable and he drops after 40 minutes. Jerri lasts 90 minutes but drops eventually. Candice then just says, “Good luck” and starts to get off her pole, but Probst wants to know why because she looked fine. So she’s done. That was weird and kinda wussy.

Parvati then lets Danielle win because she has the Idol. That surprises me, because if Parvati wins she doesn’t have to play the Idol. But I guess it’s a nice show of solidarity to her Lady-in-Waiting. JT finds it strange that she stepped down, so the plan is that JT, Candice, Rupert, Amanda and Colby are voting for Sandra or Jerri after telling Russell to vote for Parvati.

Sandra goes to Russell to try to help herself because she knows she screwed up by opening her big mouth to Rupert. Uh, duh! You shut your mouth and go with the Villains as long as you can.

Russell then gives Parvati his Idol to save her because he doesn’t know about her Idol. Wow. Parvati preens a bit about being the most dangerous player out there. Amanda tells her to play her Idol, just in case. Parvati smells the lie, despite Amanda’s “acting” job.  Amanda then whines, “My head hurts.” Yeah, thinking is hard, sweetie.

Tribal Council
There’s some stupid shenanigans about bananas and plantains and Russell rightly says let’s forget about the stupid fruit and concentrate on the game! This is a big vote! Amen, brother.

They start talking about still being two separate tribes and how they aren’t talking so much to each other at camp. Parvati says she’s like a leper and Probst says does she feel like a leper because she’s used to being showered with attention all the time in her life? It’s the best thing he’s said in the history of “Survivor,” forever and ever amen.

The vote happens and we only see Russell, Parvati and Jerri vote for JT and Amanda and Rupert vote for Jerri. Before the vote, Parvati gives her two Idols to Sandra and Jerri. NO WAY. NO WAY DID SHE JUST DO THAT. More on that later, but for now the votes go Jerri, Jerri, Jerri, Jerri, Jerri, JT, JT and JT. JT shakes Russell’s hand and says, “Well done.” Amanda, Colby and Rupert look totally gobsmacked and the Villains can’t disguise their glee. That was a pretty bad-ass move.

Now more on that move by Parvati. Right after the vote, I paused the DVR to write something and my boyfriend goes, “It would be pretty awesome if she played her Idols but instead of for herself, she gave them to Sandra and Jerri.” I swear to God that’s what he said. I then spent the next 5 minutes telling him, as a “Survivor” newbie, how stupid that would be and how I would never in a million years give up my Immunity Idol(s). We then hit the play button and that was exactly what happened. So I suck, my boyfriend rules all and Parvati is a monster player in this game.

Can’t wait for next week, when it looks like the women grab the game by the balls. Fun fun. 

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credit: CB

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."