When we last left our intrepid castaways on “Survivor: One World,” a girl went home after breaking her wrist. Let’s hope that kind of excitement keeps up.
The guys naturally want to know what happened to Kourtney. One of the Frat Boys (seriously, I probably won’t be able to tell them apart for weeks) thinks that’s “annoying” the women didn’t have to vote anybody out. Jerkface.
Alicia, the loud-mouth crazy person, thinks Tribal couldn’t have gone better because she thinks Christina looked crazy. It’s a good thing there are no mirrors to hold up out there in the bush. Christina tries to patch things up with Alicia and Alicia says they’re good, but privately she says she’d let Christina drown in the ocean and that Nina “looks like a bag of rocks,” even though Alicia doesn’t “even know what that analogy means,” which so perfectly encapsulates her as a person.
We wonder what it’s like to walk around as a personification of “irony.”
The women try to have a Come to Jesus meeting and they elect Sabrina the leader. She laments in a talking-head that managing the “airheads” is going to be exhausting. Nice to know how you feel about your girls. She delegates people into three jobs – water, food and shelter. Kat is not too keen on being told what to do, plus she’s super lazy and kind of annoying. I’m with “Bag of Rocks” on this one.
The tribes get these enormous boxes full of a reward challenge that involves untying knots. They are competing to win a tarp. It seems pretty close, but the men pull it out. That should help the women’s tribe morale. And then Sabrina says stupidly, “We needed that tarp like a fat kid needs cake.” Um, so you didn’t need it because of the threat of diabetes?
Colton continues to be kinda lazy and ostracize himself by hanging out with the women all the time. Um, I know he has the Idol, so he definitely has an edge they guys don’t know about, but …. you really should make an effort, because you won’t have the Idol forever. Plus, the women aren’t super ecstatic to have him hanging around all the time.
Colton actually asks the women to let him come hang out later. It’s like – just try to make friends. Even if you’re totally faking it, it’s important not to be the odd man out on your tribe. But then, he’s back at the ladies’ camp like 20 minutes later. Read a room, dude!
He starts crying to the women and is begging to stay with them. Oh, sweetie. Stop. You are just making it worse for yourself.
That night, the men have a weird chanting fire ritual where Tarzan dances around in his skivvies. Is this really what a group of men with no women around would devolve into on an island?
Then after everyone’s asleep, Colton tells Troyzan and Jonas that he has an Idol so that they’ll work with him to get one of the Frat Boys out. That’s not a bad idea – these guys are now with him and pumped to get Matt or Mike out. I’m rooting for voting out whichever one is the cocky lawyer who looks like a Ken doll.
The challenge is lining up on a narrow beam in the water where the farthest tribe member from the platform has to cross over the other ones and get to the platform. Then the next farthest one goes. If you touch more than one person at a time, you start over. If you fall, you go back. This should really favor the women.
Except the women are super slow about it and very argumentative, while the little person Leif is smoking them even after having to go back and start over. The women are being way too timid – you don’t fall into a pit of alligators, guys!
The women have to start over twice because Christina is an idiot who can’t stop touching two people at once. Seriously girls, if giant men can do this, what is your freaking problem? And then Kat keeps jumping in the water for no reason, it’s ridiculous. Why do these women suck so badly?
Monica finally takes over going first for the women and actually makes it to the platform. Monica seems to show the women the technique, but it’s too little too late. Idiots. The girls are lamenting their boobs, but I don’t buy that.
Kat apologizes and most of them totally baby her, while Sabrina and Bag of Rocks look on not having any of it. Bag of Rocks knows she’s on the chopping block, but she’s trying to get Monica, Christina and whoever else to vote out Kat the idiot.
But I’m fairly sure the alliance of five is not going to cave. There seems to be a glimmer of hope that Chelsea and Kim are going to maybe vote for Kat, but I doubt it. Nobody ever makes the smart choice at this point. They can only think about their alliance, which is important, but not if you keep losing.
Jeff likens talking to the women like talking to sixth graders, like – thanks Jeff. But he’s not totally off base. Then he gets Nina to talk about the lines in the tribe and she then totally calls out Kat. It’s a pretty good talking-to, but also maybe too abrasive to change people’s minds.
Sabrina and Chelsea then completely admit that if they could start over, they would have a different alliance. Well, start over! Vote Kat out and re-align! It’s not too late!
Kat starts crying, oh boo hoo, and cops to having never really failed at anything because she doesn’t try stuff she thinks she would fail at. She then says it’d be completely fair to vote her out, but she hopes they trust her and stuff. Hmm.
I still think Nina’s gone.
We see Kat vote for Nina and Nina vote for Kat, but that’s it. The votes go Nina, Kat, Christina, Nina, Nina and Nina. Man, that sucks. Sabrina and Chelsea and maybe Kim could’ve really changed up this game. And who cares if you realign at this point? The people you vote out before the merge aren’t on the jury! Hello! Weak.
Next week: The women lose their fire and Colton reveals himself to be a Republican. Huh.