colton survivor one world 'Survivor: One World': That's how Colton Cumbie goes out?When we last left “Survivor: One World,” Monica got axed from the new, weaker Manono tribe. Following Tribal, Alicia is congratulating herself on sticking with the guys and ousting Monica and Colton is a snotty witch to Christina’s face. I mean, he just sits there and is mean to her while Alicia strokes his hair. Ugh, he and Alicia can go jump in some shark-infested waters. They are such jerks.

Later, Christina tries to find a place to sleep and Alicia continues to be a huge word I can’t print here because we’re a family-friend blog. HOw can you be such disgusting human beings? Who raised you like that?

In the morning at Salani, Kat regales everyone with her very deep, prophetic dream about Alicia killing her in a mall. Whatever, valley girl. But we suppose if it makes them suspicious of Alicia, that’s OK.

Reward Challenge

The teams use coconuts to knock out the other team’s targets. They’re playing for ice cream. Yes, lots of dairy is just what they need. It’s pretty delightful listening to Jeff berate Alicia, though what is not delightful is listening to Colton yell at Christina when he has shown to be absolutely worthless in challenges, while Tarzan can barely make it the top of the throwing pyramid.

Salani wins and everybody on Manono whines about Christina not giving her all, which A) she didn’t seem to be slacking that much, B) none of them were any better and C) when you beat her down by telling her she’s next to go, what would make her try hard, you jerks?

Colton is such a baby. He just decides he doesn’t like someone and then that’s it – he’s going to treat them like garbage. He is the biggest POS of a person this show has ever had. If I were his mother, watching this, I would be ashamed.

At the reward, Salani pigs out. As one does. Back at Manono, Colton and Alicia laugh at Christina and tell her she can jump in the fire. It’s gross. Jonas has noticed how disgusting they are being, but like he’ll have the stones to do anything about it. She tries to work on Leif and Jonas, which are definitely her easiest allies. They should listen to her and vote out Alicia. But we won’t hold our breath.

Alicia comes back and catches Christina making her play and loses her mind, because she knows Christina is telling them the truth. Alicia and her giant boobs just keeps waving her hands and saying Christina is talking smack.

That night, Colton has a headache and is lying with his head in Christina’s lap. Um, what? Don’t be nice to him! And in the morning, he says he’s dehydrated and has abdominal pain. Dr. Tarzan thinks it’s appendicitis. And then Colton just collapses down on the jungle floor.

Christina finds him and is nice to him again. Honestly, based on the previews, this probably does turn out to be serious, but at this point – it seems like he’s faking for attention and because he’s whiny.

The medical team comes and tests his abdominal pain. They too think appendicitis is likely and have to remove him from the game to do some tests. He starts crying, saying he wants to prove he can do this. But in the same breath, he Blanche Duboises, “I guess I’ve done my best. I wish I could’ve done more.”

Alicia can only think about her game play – she says, “Call me a bad person.” Way ahead of ya, lady. Meanwhile, everybody cries about it. Ughhhh, give it a rest. And then he leaves without giving the Immunity Idol to anybody. Of course he does.

At least Jonas calls it karma. For realz.

Tribal Council

Both tribes are called to Tribal together, much to everybody’s surprise. Jeff informs them about Colton’s evacuation and subsequent surgery. Stupid Kat doesn’t know what that even means and then keeps looking shocked as people say they’ve had their appendixes out, like she might have to check on hers. Jeff still makes them share their feelings, of course.

The Salanis have to try to decide if Colton really did take the Idol with him, or if Manono is lying about that. While Stupid Kat is fretting about her appendix.

Jeff then tells them to drop their buffs – they’re merged, six women and six men. Interesting. Tarzan says, “The game is afoot.” Don’t confuse Kat like that, dude – now she’s probably worried about what feet have to do with it.

So, that’s how Colton leaves the game. What a let down – that was such an unsatisfying exit for such a jerk. We wanted a blindside, darn it!

Questions for Colton? Leave ’em in the comments.

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."