brandon hantz survivor 520 'Survivor: South Pacific': Brandon Hantz's short man complex rears its ugly headOh, Brandon Hantz. You are one of the weirdest “Survivor” contestants we’ve ever seen – and that is saying a lot.


Semhar cries at Redemption Island, though I don’t really buy that she gave them “every last strength.” She also says she has abandonment issues, which – this is a reality show. Your tribemates are not your absentee daddy or whoever. Then it’s emo poetry time. Yikes.

Back at Savaii, John is really kissing butt about being allowed to stay. I do hope he gets to prove his worth, since it means so much to him. I love seeing fans play the game, not the hotties the casting directors plucked off the streets of Los Angeles.

Ozzy and Keith make plans to get together with Jim and get a strong guys alliance going.

Upolu Camp

Coach starts to forge a friendship and alliance with Edna, outside of his alliance with Rick, Sophie, Albert and Brandon. He asks if she knows who has the HII and she says everybody thinks Christine found it.

Later, Brandon has to be honest with Coach about being Russell’s nephew. This makes Coach a little nervous, but they pray together and it seems all good. Later, Mikayla goes net fishing, while Brandon keeps saying she makes him so uncomfortable because he thinks she’s flaunting what she’s got and using her seductive ways. He’s calling her “Parvati.” Wow. He says, “Being a married man, I have to stay away from that kind of stuff.” Um, I don’t recall her trying to do you, Brandon. Let’s not act like she’s some kind of temptress.

Christine continues to search for the Idol, while everybody thinks she has it already. And then she finally finds a clue for the HII, which tells her the Idol is in the jungle, by the beach, barely out of reach. Now she’s kind of losing it because she’s wondering if she tells anybody. Um, that would be a no.

Savaii Camp

John is taking the machete by the handle and chopping coconuts without even being asked. Whoa, bucko. Don’t get crazy. Meanwhile, Ozzy is feverishly searching for the HII and then lo and behold, he finds it. That’s a dangerous person to have the Idol. He re-hides it up another tree. I’m not sure I would do that, because if a clue points towards a tree, it could get found by someone else.

Later, Ozzy, Keith and Jim take off in the canoe to fish, so Jim can put the 3 + 2 plan in place – the three guys to the end, but also Whitney and Elyse to give them more numbers but they are the low women on the totem pole. Meanwhile, Keith and Ozzy are tight and Jim is the low man on their totem pole. Their targets are John, Dawn and Papa Bear.

The Challenge

Four tribe members have to unravel a maypole, then use keys to release four tribe members who will move crates around in a sliding puzzle to get a large crate out the opening. The reward is pillows, blankets and a hammock.

Upolu sits out Edna. On the pole are John, Dawn, Whitney and Elyse for Savaii and Stacey, Sophie, Christine and Mikayla for Upolu. Upolu gets a nice lead as they really get a rhythm going with their unwinding. When it gets to the puzzle, Savaii makes up huge ground and they are suddenly neck-and-neck. Savaii pulls it out, wow. Upolu squandered a massive lead.


Upolu’s big alliance of Coach/Sophie/Rick/Brandon/Albert get together and decide to go 3-3-3, three for Stacey and three for Christine just in case of an Idol since Christine/Stacey/Mikayla will have three votes for whomever they choose to vote for.

Brandon starts telling Coach he has doubts about Mkyala – “because [he’s] faithful to his wife.” It makes him uncomfortable to be around her. Oh my god, dude. What is wrong with you? I think this has very little to do with Mikayla’s siren song and more to do with Brandon Hantz’s short-man complex and feeling threatened by strong women. I hate those guys.

Brandon tries to work on the alliance, but Coach says Mikayla is way too strong to get out first. And Sophie’s radar is pinged because she can obviously tell that Brandon is threatened by strong women.

Mikayla and Stacey wander up to this little pow-wow and Coach very subtlety asks them for some privacy. Then he just wanders off. Um, wow. Way to not only tip your whole hand, but also look like a giant d-bag in the process.

Christine confronts Edna about what the group was talking about and Edna totally chokes coming up with a lie, while Christine gets in her face a little too aggressively. Wow, this tribe is a mess.

And then! Brandon goes to Christine and Stacey to tell them to vote for Mikayla! Oh, he is gross. I was on board with him mostly in the first episode, but not anymore. He then runs back to Coach and lies and says Christine/Stacey are totally voting for Mikayla. Wow.

Tribal Council

Thankfull, Coach lays it all out on the table and says Stacey/Christine want to vote out Mikayla, as Brandon looks like he’s about to swallow his tongue. When S/C want to know from whom he heard that, but he doesn’t have to say since Albert jumps in and says he’s showing his loyalty by not revealing his source.

The Idol comes up and Coach outs Christine looking for the HII, which may be “outing” her, but she has been doing it for days and hasn’t been subtle about it, so cry me a river, Christine.

Jeff prompts Mikayla to ask if it’s true they were gunning for her and S/C say it’s absolutely not true. Then Brandon heaves a great sigh and confesses. Wow, how did he withstand all that pressure? Hot lights, no water, bamboo shoots. He was a tough nut to crack, that Brandon.

The Vote

We don’t see any votes. When Jeff reads them, it goes Sophie, Edna, Christine, Stacey, Christine, Stacey, Christine, Stacey and … Christine. It’s interesting that the women totally rocked that challenge and yet – no men got any votes. *eyeroll*

Next week: Christine and Semhar face off and Brandon wrestles with his good and evil nature. Gag me.

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."