survivor south pacific wench challenge 'Survivor: South Pacific': Does Papa Bear run in the woods?When we last left our survivors, we finally had two people at Redemption Island to battle it out for the first elimination. And Brandon Hantz was being borderline pathological in his hate/obsession towards Mikayla.

Check it out – Zap2it spoke with last season’s winner Boston Rob about this season so far. He thinks he probably made things a lot tougher for Ozzy and Coach.

Redemption Island

The tribes, like last season, have to pick two people to go watch. Coach really wants to go, so Upolu sends Coach and Stacey. Savaii sends Ozzy and Elyse. I’m surprised both vets got to go. Do they have that much sway at their tribes?

Anyway, the duel is placing wooden totems on top of a pole, then adding to the pole to make it taller and taller. Whoever holds up their totem longer wins. Sehmar does some spoken word poetry before the duel while everybody looks around at each other like she’s cuckoopants. It is a little weird, but hey – whatever calms you down and gets you focused. I also feel like Sehmar will be better at this than Christine, but we’ll see.

But that’s not how it turns out. Sehmar drops her totem first and is the first person eliminated from “Survivor: South Pacific.” I’m not that bummed, she doesn’t seem as into the game as others. On her way out, she talks about her abandonment issues, but like – your tribe didn’t abandon you! And you pooped out on the challenge, lady!

Upolu

Brandon is feeling bad about being such a liar, so he comes clean about being Russell’s nephew to everybody. He also says, “I’d rather make friends out here than a million dollars.” Um, really? Then why are you on this show and not, like, working as a camp counselor?

Coach commends his little protege for his honesty and then Coach talking-heads about Brandon showing his age. Ugh, those two make me want to vomit.

Mikayla confronts Brandon about his hatred of her and he admits to just wanting her out because he doesn’t like her. He says he doesn’t like her because of her attitude, which – that’s not exactly it, dude. Naturally, she balks at this because he basically says, “I don’t like you” and then when she reacts in a slightly elevated manner, he points back to that as part of her attitude he doesn’t like. What was she supposed to do? Stand there and smile at you?

So Brandon calls tribe pow-wow and brings them all into the discussion, telling Mikayla to her face that she doesn’t have much of ann alliance. Wow. What a bully. As he says, “Keep me out of the drama.” Oh, that is rich. You just called everybody over to basically be mean to Mikayla!

Thank god Sophie has a brain and realizes that Brandon is kind of unstable, though it’s not fair to say “in his bloodline he’s a devious jerk.” Meanwhile, Mikayla is crying on the beach and Brandon is blathering on about his “flesh” and good and evil.

Coach correctly identifies this as “the epitome of SNAFU.” Do you all know what SNAFU stands for? Coach is exactly right. I can’t print what it stands for here, but you should Google it.

Savaii

Papa Bear has figured out that he, John and Dawn are the outsiders and are definitely not safe, while Ozzy is proving his worth to the tribe by catching nice-sized fish. He also tells Keith he has the Idol. Hmmm. That might not be –

I can’t even get the above sentence typed before Keith runs to tell Whitney! Wow.

The Challenge

The very elaborate set up has one person running along a plank bridge carrying a surfboard-type thing to retrieve five bags. After that person gets one bag, the tribe uses a wench to pull them back through the water on the surfboard, then starts over. All five bags are then snagged with grappling hooks up a wall, then the cloth inside is laid out to assemble a tribe flag. The win milk and cookies, a clue to the Idol and Immunity.

The tribes take turns leading, then at the very end of the first leg, Upolu is slightly ahead. When it’s grapplin’ time, Coach/Edna and Elyse/Whitney are the ones doing the hooking and they are pretty evenly matched, but Upolu pulls it out. Coach is killer with the grapplin’.

Pre-Tribal

Jim is in favor of voting Papa Bear off. He probably is the weakest, John was better on the wench than Papa Bear and Dawn did OK on the running-for-the-bags part. Papa Bear and John can read the writing on the wall. Whoever doesn’t go tonight is on the block next time.

There really is very little suspense at this point.

Poor John just sadly talks about how he doesn’t want to go home. You can tell he’s already over-thinking everything and he’s not going to be able to keep from scrambling.

When Ozzy and Keith tell Papa Bear that John is the one going home, he sets off to find the Idol. Oh, I hope he finds Ozzy’s hidden idol. Papa Bear runs off into the woods and Elyse sees him, so she knows what’s up. But he looks anyway.

He doesn’t find anything, but he makes a fake Idol and is going to pretend he has it and hope they vote for John. Papa Bear tells Jim he has the Idol and now John is nervous they’ll switch to him just in case.

It’s a real bummer Papa Bear wasn’t able to force Ozzy’s hand and make him confess he actually has it.

Tribal Council

“The Five” is brought up by Papa Bear and then reinforced by Dawn. Jim shakes his head like a big tool. Just own it. You know the five of you are aligned and the other three are first three to go. Don’t pretend like they’re talkin’ crazy.

The Idol comes up and Jeff hilariously reminds Ozzy he got voted out once while holding an Idol in his pocket.

You know what I don’t get? Why do people get mad or act like someone is being so ridiculous when they go off to search for the Idol? They’re just playing the game. You should guard against it, but don’t get, like, freaked out about it.

During the vote, we only see Jim vote for John and John vote for Papa Bear. The votes go Papa Bear, John, Jim, Papa Bear, Papa Bear and then Papa Bear, so he’s off to join Christine at Redemption Island.  Who voted for Jim? Dawn? Huh.

Next week: Does Cochran finally make a move? We hope so. And Brandon continues to unravel.

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."