Her life is so ludicrous that it’s difficult to believe MTV isn’t scripting it out for her. Last week, after failing two drug tests, she was arrested by her probation officer. It seemed certain that she would miss seeing her idol, Ke$ha, in concert, even though she had second-row seats and feather extensions in her hair.
But even though her mom refused to bail her out (attagirl, Barbara!), Jenelle somehow persuades her beatdown bestie Tori to sign for her bond ($10,000!) so she doesn’t even have to stay the night in jail.
Surely Tori’s grand gesture has nothing to do with the fact that she needs Jenelle (and her tickets) to attend that Ke$ha concert herself?
Really, she’s a true friend, consoling Jenelle after her release: “I don’t understand why your mom doesn’t do anything to help you!” And we sympathize. Really, all Barbara has done is (1) raise Jenelle’s son as his legal guardian, (2) let her live at home rent-free, (3) lend her the money to buy a new car, and (4) RAISE HER SON. (Sorry, that requires repeating and all-caps.)
The best remedy for “bawling tears,” of course, is Ke$ha. When Jenelle finally returns her exasperated lawyer’s calls the next day, he asks, “Was the Ke$ha concert worth 45 days in jail?” He might understand his client’s point of view better if he listened to the pop star’s carpe diem lyrics (e.g., “let’s make the most of the night like we’re gonna die young”).
Jenelle finally returns home, but only to pick up a fresh bathing suit, scream profanity at her mother and terrify her son. And as the absentee mother races out the door yet again, Jace cries, “Mommy, mommy.” Forget a college fund: this kid needs a special account set up for a lifetime of therapy.
Chelsea is also prioritizing a concert — Dierks Bentley — over behaving like a responsible adult. She persuades her dad, Randy the Enabler, to chauffeur her and her friends to the concert so she can “study” for her GED practice test on the way.
Meanwhile, her boyfriend Adam is ignoring her … again. “I can always feel it coming,” she says about their breakups. (She’s a perceptive one, that Chelsea.)
Despite the late-night concert, lack of studying and baby daddy dramz, Chelsea somehow passed all her GED practice tests. Unfortunately, to obtain a GED, one must pass an actual test.
Leah, on the other hand, has bigger dreams. Maybe not realistic ones, but at least she has a high school diploma and good grades. And even though she seems blissfully unaware of college entrance exams, and doesn’t score very high on the “residual” ACT offered by the University of Charleston, the college is perfectly happy to
take her money accept her into full-time nursing program.
It’s sweet to see how supportive baby daddy Corey (who just became engaged himself) is of his ex-wife going to college. Divorce really does suit these young parents!
Speaking of Corey, or “Corie,” Leah decided to accept the Facebook friend request of one of his buddies, one Jeremy Calvert. (Really, MTV, there’s no need to pixilate the last name of Leah’s new husband.) Cupid strikes again!
No such luck for Kailyn, who — although she’s dating poor Jordan again — still pines for her ex, Jo. In apparent retaliation for dating another woman, she filed for a change in their custody agreement. Like Chelsea, she’s super perceptive about her baby daddy, suspecting that Jo’s upset … because she didn’t tell him! The confrontation-phobe is even scared to drop her own son off at his house, and is clearly relieved when his dad answers the door. In a stealth move worthy of a horror flick, Jo spooks her by appearing outside her car.
After an unpleasant court hearing, the parents peacefully agree to a custody schedule, both volunteering to let the other visit whenever they want. If only Kailyn’s on-again boyfriend had such an agreement: In the previews for next week, she complains that Jordan’s “smothering” her. So the guy has to be humiliated again on national TV?