the bachelor la galaxy soccer date 'The Bachelor': Chelsie literally has her Vienna momentTime for the latest “Bachelor” episode. In case you missed it, Juan Pablo stepped in it a bit over the weekend when asked if there could ever be a gay bachelor on the ABC dating show. He has since apologized and obviously these episodes were filmed months ago, so let’s enjoy the show now, but yeah — that happened.

Cassandra’s Date

Nikki is “level 15” ready to get out of the house and have a date, but she is not the lovely lady chosen for the first one-on-one. We’re a little surprised Nikki didn’t get one of the early one-on-ones but hopefully that will work in her favor — sometimes the early ones are then forgotten about a bit because they don’t get another one-on-one for a while. It can actually be a huge disadvantage to have an early solo date.

Anyway, it is also nice that Cassandra, one of the single moms, is getting a solo date, since JP told her and Renee that he wants to figure out quickly if there’s something there with them because if not, he wants to send them back to their children as soon as possible.

The date takes them on a wild ride in a water car. It’s a jeep that goes from the land to the water fairly seamlessly, which is actually pretty cool. Certainly better than the “Bachelor” trope of flying off in a helicopter. It looks like a ton of fun.

That night, Juan Pablo takes Cass back to his house and they cook dinner and then share pictures of their kids and talk about being parents, it’s a terrific date. It’s maybe a little concerning that Cassandra is 21 and JP is 32, but she has a 2-year-old, so presumably she had to grow up pretty quickly when she got pregnant at 19, so perhaps the age difference is not a problem.

They make out by the fireplace and Cassandra gets the rose. It’s not necessarily that they’re ready to walk down the aisle, but they seem to have hit it off and JP wants to get to know her better. That’s fair and seems about exactly where we would have gauged their relationship after this date.

Group Date

Footie time! JP hosts Kelly, Renee, Sharleen, Danielle, Alli, Lauren, Andi, Christy, Lucy and Nikki for a group date at the L.A. Galaxy major league soccer stadium. Renee says the limo “literally” drives out onto the field — high five for using it correctly, the limo did do that. But keep your eye on that one, because mis-use of the word is typically not far behind over-use of the word.

Alli’s ready to show off her moves, since she has played soccer her whole life, while Nikki is just super competitive. We knew we liked her. Speaking of who else we like, back at the mansion Clare and Cassandra talk about how they would feel weird kissing JP on the group date, which is nicely setting the table for “villainous” Sharleen kissing him later, which has been shown to us in several previews thus far tonight. (We don’t think Sharleen is a villain at all, but she did utter the “sure” heard ’round the world in the premiere episode.)

The girls are playing five-on-five, though unfortunately, it’s not one of those dates where the losing team has to ride the Bus o’ Tears back to the mansion.

Sharleen really takes a beating during the game, blocking the ball with various body parts, including her face. That’s dedication. Also, the blue team starts getting creamed so badly that Juan Pablo has to help them out. He does have some serious moves and that’s good, because as a former pro player, it would be weird if he didn’t.

At the mingling portion of the group date, Nikki takes her alone time with JP to explain how nervous she gets and how she wants to stay, even if she comes across as a spazz sometimes. She thinks she’s getting the rose from the group date, but we aren’t so sure. Sharleen might get it just by virtue of how many balls flew at her face during the soccer game (“There goes her social life”).

Or maybe Andi will get the rose, because she majorly makes out with JP in a concession stand kitchen. Romantic, right? Afterward, she’s pretty confident she’s got the rose sewn up.

However, villainous Sharleen swoops in with her alone time and JP kisses her while the other women can see them, which Sean Lowe told him was a big no-no. Predictably, the other women are not pleased — especially because their kiss is hot. H-O-T, you guys. Not gonna lie, it was totally steamy. And it takes the wind right out of Nikki and Andi’s sails.

But wait! Nikki gets the rose! Yesssss, Team Nikki. Sharleen is kind of upset she didn’t get the rose and her being upset both surprises and bothers her, which is a sentiment we can sympathize with. We would imagine if you’re not a “Bachelor” fan, it might feel very weird to become part of the process and then find yourself A) falling for the guy and B) being jealous of the other women.

Back at the mansion, Elise talks about how she “literally” had a dream about Juan Pablo last night. We will have to take her word for it that that is the correct use of that word.

Chelsie’s Date

With Chelsie getting the one-on-one, that leaves Elise, Clare and Kat as not having dates this week, but since Clare and Kat both had one-on-ones last week, Elise is pretty upset at being left out. Perhaps she can cuddle with her “Yule Log Hotties” to make herself feel better.

But then Elise says Chelsie is “literally” like a baby. [BZZZZZ] Sorry, Elise. We hope you are not in charge of teaching your first graders the difference between “literally” and “figuratively.” Also, whining and cutting Chelsie down because you’re actually just mad you didn’t get a date this week is not attractive. You talk about Chelsie being immature? Pot, kettle, black. Stop it.

Anyway, the date is bungee jumping off a bridge, which of course affords Chelsie the opportunity to snuggle up to JP about how scared she is (and she probably is, bungee jumping is scary) — but there’s a reason they keep doing dates like this on shows like this. Canoodling and bonding are always part of the deal. Vienna won Jake’s season based almost solely on their bungee-jumping date, remember?

It also affords us viewers the chance to drink because of the metaphor about jumping off a bridge together — “That is the epitome of building a relationship, free-falling together. And we did that. Literally.”

A funny little side note —  it sounds like Chelsie says their first kiss while hanging upside-down off a bridge is as “ethnic” as a first kiss gets, but we think she must have said “epic.” It really sounds like “ethnic,” though. We rewound three times to make sure. But that would make no sense, so we’ll go with “epic.” Benefit of the doubt on that one.

Either way, it makes absolutely no sense to think that jumping off a bridge together means you can survive anything as a couple, but OK. We pretend a lot of things when we watch this show, right?

The post-bungee jumping dinner is at Los Angeles City Hall, which is actually a beautiful setting.
They talk about their fears and Juan Pablo says he’s afraid of not being a good example for his daughter. Wellllll, you could start with not acting like gay men are too scandalous for the “Bachelor.”

Chelsie gets the rose, which is not a huge shock. We definitely do not think they had the same kind of bonding date that he had with Cassandra, but there was nothing that screamed “Send Chelsie home” on the date either.

She calls it the best day of her entire life and that’s before the private Billy Currington concert. We feel like Chelsie has not led a terribly thrilling life. 

The Pool Party

Juan Pablo comes by the bachelorette mansion to make the ladies breakfast and some of them freak out because they are not “ready.” Renee is upset because she hasn’t brushed her teeth yet, which is fair, but the freaking out about no makeup is silly. These women are gorgeous and we would guess that Juan Pablo knows they don’t sleep in their makeup.

JP then cancels the cocktail party in lieu of a pool party. It’s more relaxed than the normal cocktail party, but most of the girls still have their eyes on the prize — tonight is a rose ceremony.

Kat decides they’re going to chicken fight and jumps on Juan Pablo’s shoulders, which rankles many of the other girls. Of course, Kelly perhaps tone it down a little because we don’t think Kat looks like “a whore.”

Clare is having the first-one-on-one-date blues, feeling a little neglected after having an amazing date but now having to watch JP flirt with all these other women. Sharleen is also not doing great with the constant camera attention and the types of women who are there that make her question what JP wants in a partner.

At times, she comes across as very cold, but we think it’s just that Sharleen is uncomfortable with the process. We’re still on the side of Sharleen being one of the good ones, though it seems like the show is maybe setting her up to be the villain — especially since the other women don’t seem to like how much she makes out with JP.

It’s usually a red flag if the other women don’t like someone, but Sharleen is not pinging our “bad guy” radar. She’s just different than your normal bachelorette.

Anyway, we’re back to Clare’s insecurity about having had this great date with JP and now being largely ignored. Juan Pablo reassures her about his feelings and all is well. We like Clare, she seems like a sweetie. Also, have some confidence, lady. You’re beautiful, you seem really nice, you don’t seem dumb. You’ve got a lot going on!

Rose Ceremony

The roses go to Cassandra, Nikki, Chelsie (already had), Andi, Renee, Kelly, Sharleen, Elise, Kat, Alli, Clare, Lauren and … Danielle, which means Christy and “free spirit” Lucy are going home. Aww, thanks for coming, naked hippie girl. You were fun for some shenanigans. As for Christy — we hardly knew ye. In fact, we thought your name was “Christine” for a while.

So, no real heart-wrenching losses this week, though it’s always fun to have a girl who wants to just be naked all the time, as it usually rankles the other women.

Sunday: Sean and Catherine’s wedding! We’ll be live-blogging it, so please join us!

Then next week: They head for South Korea and it looks like Sharleen gets a one-on-one, while the girls are not in love with Clare’s aggression. Plus, is Clare throwing down against Nikki?! Team Nikki, Clare. Do not anger us.

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."