The “previously on” clips that open the show — about five hours’ worth — build the tension like the first seventy-five minutes of 127 Hours, which has a happier ending than I think this show will.
We open in Cape Town, South Africa. “What a place to end this journey,” says Brad, who is standing on a hill and saying that it’s like looking at the whole world. I don’t know what that means, but I do know that The Bachelor is whiter than even apartheid-era South Africa.
Brad’s family shows up, and Brad can’t get through a couple of hugs without crying. And then he apologizes for the crying, and he explains to us about why he’s crying, which is that he gets “choked up,” and then he’s crying again, and he tells his family that he’s happier than he has been in a long time. They ask him if he’s considering proposing, and he says “one hundred per cent”.
Brad tells his family that the two girls could not be more different, which must tell them a lot about how stupid this entire process is. Then the doorbell rings, and Brad says “speak of the devil,” and goes off to answer the door, saying “I need some time with my woman.” He seems to forget that he has two of them.