Last week on ‘The Bachelorette’, DeAnna had the most! dramatic! meltdown! in history! Over absolutely nothing! Shirtlessness ensued! No, not on DeAnna’s part. This week, Twilley goes home (hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?)
Chris greets the remaining six men in the Outhouse, and we learn that two will be eliminated tonight so that four will be going on hometown dates next week. Your fearless recapper is going to go ahead and nominate Sean along with Twilley to go home this week. DeAnna surprises the guys with a trip to the Parker in Palm Springs, which is probably my favorite hotel in the world, complete with hammocks and croquet grounds. A knock on the door of the men’s villa reveals a solo date for Sean: he and DeAnna will be traveling the Palm Spring Aerial Tramway. Afterwards, they dine outdoors while Sean tells DeAnna that his love for her is like a loaded gun. Ohhhhkay. Sounds…quick. He makes a pitch for a hometown date, and she invites him back to her suite for, um, dessert. They lie in a hammock and look up at the stars, and DeAnna pretends she’s actually interested in this dude. She kisses him with her eyes open. Enough said.
Next, a date card arrives for Jesse, Jason, Graham and Twilley, making Twilley still the only guy who hasn’t gotten a solo date. The four men are warned that they will be having "fun in the sun." DeAnna and Twilley are picked up by helicopter, although the other men have to wait for their ride. However, Twilley has trouble opening the door for his date, and he sits far too close to her, and he gets airsick, and he can’t open the door to let her out of the chopper when it lands. Oh, Twilley. Do yourself a favor and go home. The four guys and DeAnna converge in the desert to ride those four-wheel tricycle-type things. Four-wheelers? Twilley completely ignores DeAnna, and you know that girlfriend will not stand for that. Jesse acts like a 14-year-old and does a bunch of wheelies and DeAnna suddenly is very attracted to him. Afterwards, they retire to the pool, and DeAnna pulls Jason aside to ask him what a hometown date with him would be like. DeAnna confessionals that Jason is a "great person," which is what I call my favorite eunuch too! Jesse steals her away and she does that thing where she licks her lips twice and tilts her chin up and closes her eyes and waits. Jesse keeps talking, and she keeps batting her eyelashes pointedly, and nothing. And then Graham steals her away, and she’s essentially removing her bikini under her towel. (Jason, possibly the only intuitive guy of the group, points out that the connection she shares with Graham is "different" from the connection she shares with any of the other guys.) At this point – I can’t make this up – she is chewing on her lips and running her hands up and down Graham’s abs. DeAnna says she turns into a different person around Graham and she does. She really drops her Blanche DuBois and turns into a drunken sorority girl five minutes before last call.
Back at the Parker, Jeremy gets a Frank Sinatra-themed date card. She picks him up in a lovely vintage convertible (boys? help?) and drives him to Frank Sinatra’s old house up on a hill in Palm Springs. It’s incredibly mod and very cool, and for some reason DeAnna has decided to wear a gold brocade and canary yellow cocktail dress that doesn’t even remotely fit her. The two lay down a track of "The Way You Look Tonight" in Sinatra’s old recording studio, and they’re both completely tone-deaf. He dips her and kisses her, and she’s 100% into it. He pulls out the old "you may not be perfect but you’re perfect for me" line that every guy hauls out of the mothballs from time to time, and I can’t tell if she’s buying what he’s selling or not. They get into the shallow end of Sinatra’s pool and make out.
DeAnna is so incredibly stressed about this rose ceremony that she doesn’t even greet the guys at the door, choosing instead to moon over their framed headshots in the Super-Secret Bachelorette Photo Room. Chris tells the guys that DeAnna is so certain of her decisions that she will be foregoing the cocktail party/small-talk portion of the rose ceremony, and going directly to the elimination portion of the proceedings. My choices (if you can remember back that far!) were Sean and Twilley, and I don’t see any way around those two; and indeed, it is Sean and Twilley who are sent home.
Next week: hometown dates, and chances are good that Jesse hits the road.
Well, I think those two choices were foregone conclusions. Y’all?