Tonight on “The Bachelorette,” Reid came back to declare his love, got shot down, Kiptyn did as well and Ed Swiderski won Jillian’s heart.
Okay, gang. My first recap (all two hours worth) got eaten by some kind of internet monster. And wouldn’t you know it, I deleted the show off my DVR already. Several lessons learned here. However… here we go. As Cheech Marin says in Ghostbusters II, “Better late than never.”
Ed’s Family Day
Ed meets with Jillian’s parents Glen and Peggy, her cousin Tory and Grandma. Peggy has prepared a list of questions for the suitors. A huge list. I feel like a white rabbit should blow a horn to proclaim the reading of this list. But Ed sails through with flying colors.
He continues to impress when he meets with Jillian’s dad Glen. Ed just lays it out there: I’m crazy about Jillian, I love her, she’s perfect for me, I want to propose. Glen actually has a favorable reaction to this. Later, the family and Ed all hula dance in grass skirts and coconut bras. It’s very cute, he seems to fit right in.
Kiptyn’s Family Day
Kiptyn does well with the family, which is to be expected because it’s not like Jillian kept two total gomers around. However, I just don’t see the same vibe with them as a couple as I do with Ed and Jillian. Kiptyn does well on 1000 Questions with Peggy, but with Glen he really skirts the issue of loving Jillian. He says that he could love her or he sees herself loving her, not that he actually *does* love her.
Jillian powwows with her family about the boys. They obviously have nothing but nice things to say about the guys. Tory makes the observation that Kiptyn is not married to his work. The “unlike Ed who ditched you for his job” is left unsaid. Glen cannot stop gushing about Ed and I start to wonder if the actual proposal at the end of the episode is Glen to Ed.
Ed’s Final Date
Ed and Jillian take a helicopter ride around a volcano and then hike in through the jungle to a picnic. It’s very sexy… until Ed takes off his clothes and reveals his tiny little green swimtrunks. I know we’ve seen these before, but somehow it never quite sunk in how small they are. It looks like he stole Jillian’s bikini bottoms.
They get all “Hot Tub Harris” in the waterfall pool and then later get all steamy back at the hotel. I’m glad that went better than last time. Jillian says the only thing that was missing was their passion, so it’s good that they found it on their final date.
Kiptyn’s Final Date
They take a boat to a remote beach, have a picnic, paddle around on a surfboard… and then get EATEN BY A SHARK! Not really, but that would’ve really spiced things up since this Von-Maur-piano-musak is putitng me toslepzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Back at Kiptyn’s hotel room, I cannot stop focusing on his v-neck t-shirt. I hate when guys wear v-necks. Stop it. They get all hot and heavy, but I get the distinct feeling that she’s been pulling away all date. I just don’t see this as the couple at the end.
Stare at the ocean, stare in the mirror, Kiptyn jogs shirtless. Holy cow. If this were “The Ab-chelorette,” he would win hands down. The guys go to pick out rings and Kiptyn picks a 3-carat gaudy eyesore while Ed picks a beautiful antique-looking ring. Ed wins the ring-off.
Kiptyn and his abs get out of the shower in a towel (rowr), Ed gets dressed but no shirtless shot, Jillian puts on what looks disturbingly like a wedding dress, they all get in their limos.
Kiptyn Gets the Boot
Kiptyn shows up at the Proposal Dock and it’s very anti-climactic. He doesn’t even seem that broken up about Jillian. He didn’t propose, she beat him to that punch, so thank goodness for small favors. In the end, I just don’t buy it, though. Not enough angst.
Reid Comes Back
Clad in a suit jacket and sneakers (love it), Reid returns to confess his love to Jillian. It’s very sweet and she does take a moment to figure out what she wants, but Chris Harrison helps her realize that she wants Ed. She and Reid hug and cry a lot and he is sent home. Awww. Reid for next Bachelor!
Ed shows up and there are “I love yous” exchanged and a proposal and it is sunshine and rainbows and smiles and puppies. I have to say, I feel better about Jillian/Ed than I did about DeAnne/Jesse or Jason/Melissa/Molly, so I’m actually excited to see them together on “After the Final Rose” tomorrow night.
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