Wes can add another episode to his publicity and we lose one of the good ones.
Chris calls our remaining guys the "Elite Eight." I think he means "the Magnificent Seven and one guitar-strumming douchebag." This week there are two solo dates and one group date. 5 roses will be given out and those guys get to take Jillian to their hometowns.
They are leaving Whistler and taking the Rocky Mountain… something. I missed it. Rocky Mountain Oysters? No, I'm pretty sure those are cow balls. It's a train, though. That's the gist.
Just for the record, 5 minutes into the episode, I think Jillian needs to ditch Wes, Tanner P and Michael and keep Jake, Reid, Robby, Kiptyn and Jesse. That is my prediction/hope.
Solo Date. The first one is for Robby. He's very adorably nervous. He's also rocking a pinstripe fedora, I am a big fan. He does some bartender tricks for her, it's very Cocktail and charming. Hippy hippy shake, indeed. The cassette soundtrack of Cocktail was one of the first pieces of music I owned. Ahhh, the memories.
They get to dine in the caboose and it has clear glass windows and ceiling, it's really gorgeous. Jillian comments that Robby makes her feel 5 to 10 years younger. Hee. Coo coo cachoo, Ms. Harris. Jillian pokes around the "starting a family" idea and Robby says that he's looking for someone to be with him and he's ready to have someone there for him again.
Robby then talking-heads about how he's younger and he's "between jobs" and hasn't been in a relationship for a couple years, but that love knows no age, love doesn't have a job and whatnot. That makes him sound… like such a hobo. Heee. "Even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with ya honey." I like Robby, but this is too funny.
They have some cuddle time in Jillian's room, then she talking-heads about how he may not be ready for a family. The train then starts slowing down and the camera focuses in on a rose on the table. Nooooo! She tells him he's someone she would marry if it were 5 or 10 years from now. I'm not sure what he did to convey that he's not ready. The train stops and the handlers take his baggage outside and… leave him by the side of the tracks? I'll assume they're sending a Los Angeles city bus to pick him up.
By the way, while Jillian says good-bye to Robby, the other 7 guys press their faces up against the train windows like a bunch of little match girls. Geez, guys. Michael cries about Robby's departure because he didn't get to say good-bye. I'll say it again… I think Michael wishes he was in the Canadian wilderness with Robby.
Wes goes to comfort Jillian and I try not to gag because vomit is so hard to clean off a laptop keyboard. So a 25 year-old cutie is too young and not "deep" enough, but a skeazy old douche who only wants to be famous is okay? Wes then talking-heads about the fame from this show coming inside of him and he eats it and… something. It's disgusting. My boyfriend comments that it's like a serial killer talking about eating his victims.
The next morning, Jillian likens this trip to an old-fashioned movie. Yes. It's like the Ingrid Bergman classic Murder on the Orient Express with Your Eight Boyfriends. She leaves them after breakfast with the group date card: Tanner, Wes, Michael, Jesse, Jake and Kiptyn. So Reid gets the other solo date.
Group Date Snowshoeing. Tanner goes all looney tunes about helping Jillian strap on her snowshoes. You know, because then he's closer to her feet. Guh. Everyone looks hilarious stomping around in their snowshoes.
Reid is Sad and Lonely Montage. He sits down to chat with one of the… concierges? He asks her if he should wear glasses or not wear glasses. I'm in favor of glasses, but she says no glasses. He then sits down with a… bartender? It's kind of pointless.
Back on the group date, they head into a beautiful lodge. Jake gets alone time and Jillian asks him what they'd do in his hometown. He can't wait to show her his parents. He starts to tell her how he feels and all the other guys crash. Lame. I like Jake, I hope he sticks around.
Kiptyn takes alone time next. There is some inane chatter, then some pretty intense smooching. I'd say Kiptyn is safe. In the group time, they start talking about what they sleep in and Tanner hops up to show us all his underwear. Oh dear. Especially because it's tighty-whities. They have to blur out his crotch. Oh, Tanner. You are 9 kinds of weird.
Tanner takes his alone time now and Jillian manages not to run away screaming as he rubs her feet with lotion. Seriously, I love a good foot rub, particularly after I've been running, but this guy is so creepsville about it. He even says "if she would paint them 'Mango Mango,' [the feet] would be a '10.'" Oh dude. You know the name of the nail polish? Sigh.
The next alone time is for Jesse. They talk a little about their last date and the hometown visit, it's nothing earth-shattering. They then make out. I think Jesse is safe too.
Alone time with Michael is roasting some marshmallows outside by the fire. Again, he's like a wriggly little puppy. How do you get romantic about something you worry will pee on the rug? Michael babbles about their depth and how much his family will love her on the hometown visit. Jillian talking-heads about the physical connection not being there. It's the puppy thing, Jillian. Or the gay thing. Possibly both.
Inside, Tanner tells the remaining guys that he was the one who told Jillian about the girlfriend situation. The guys have mixed reactions. Jake particularly sides with Tanner, saying the guys with girlfriends shouldn't fricking be here. Wes gets his hackles up and says "I can't stand a tattle tale." Oh, really? You know what I can't stand? A smarmy used-car-salesman guy who is trying desperately to look like he's not 36 years old and is a complete tool to everyone around him.
Wes might as well have a neon sign over your head that says, "I have a girlfriend." Nobody else cares that much about what Tanner did, but Wes obviously does because it's him who has the girlfriend.
Wes then tells them that having been on six episodes, he's gotten what he's wanted (publicity) and he can haul ass now. He acts like they should laugh with him, but everybody looks like they want to stab him in the throat.
Outside in the hot tub, Kiptyn gets a rose. No big shock there. I really think it will come down to Michael, Wes and Tanner for the last rose, because I think Kiptyn, Jesse, Jake and Reid will have roses easily.
The next morning, Jake finds Jillian so that he can tell her how much he likes her. It's adorable. Jillian looks gobsmacked, but she says thank you and they kiss. There's a voiceover where he says that he wants to marry Jillian and he means that.
I wonder if they're setting him up to be the cute-guy-who-gets-his-heart-broken-and-has-a-huge-fan-base so that he can be the next Bachelor. Hmmm.
Reid's Solo Date. They
go snowboarding. Yikes. Snowboarding is much trickier than skiing. Jillian teaches Reid because she's a pretty decent snowboarder. Reid is a total klutz but has fun anyway. After snowboarding, Jillian and Reid get to eat as the sun sets at some ice sculpture gazebo. Everything is ice, it's the coolest thing. They talk about love and relationships and then Reid gets some kisses.
That night back at the lodge, Jillian and Reid continue their date. With fondue. Mmmm. Reid says fondue freaks him out because you dip raw meat in the boiling stuff and then someone dips another piece of raw meat in. He's totally weird about it, but Jillian rolls with it. They snuggle and talk about how different they are and how they aren't each other's types. He then gets a rose, so there are three left for Wes, Michael, Jake, Jesse and Tanner.
The train takes the group to Banff Springs, which is the location of the final proceedings. Jillian debriefs with Chris about the guys, saying that Wes comforted her after she had to let Robby go. Gag me. Chris then spins it as Tanner "starting rumors," which elicits a "You dirty *$#@" from my boyfriend. Seriously, Chris is such a tool for spinning it like that. Who is sleazier, Wes for being how he is or the show for letting all this happen behind Jillian's back?
Rose Ceremony. Jillian gives a speech about how from here on forward the families get involved and that makes it harder, so she asks to speak to Michael privately. They talk about his age and if he's ready for something like this. He assures her that he's not a player and that he's ready for a relationship.
Back out in the hall, the guys gather like a sewing circle. Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little, cheep cheep cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more. Interestingly, Reid goes, "C'mon, who's got the girlfriend?" and Jake looks at Wes, so Wes very defensively (and suspiciously) goes, "What are you looking at me for, [bleep]?" I hate him.
Roses are now handed out to Jesse, Wes (GOD, JILLIAN! This is so gross, somebody SAY SOMETHING) and Michael. NO WAY! Jake is gone, are you kidding me? There's six minutes left, somebody has to say something to her about this.
Jillian apologizes to Tanner and he seems to take it okay. He's sad and doesn't know what he did wrong. He says he did everything he could to warn Jillian about Wes and I shout, "No, you DIDN'T!" You can't tell her suspicions but not tell her who it is! You p*ssed out and you suck.
Back in the hall, Jake ducks Wes's hug (haha) and then asks Jillian why he's going home. She doesn't have a good answer for him. He cries in his exit interview and says that some of the guys left just are not on the level. He says that Wes is going to break her heart and again, I ask, "Then why didin't you say something, p*ssy?" Seriously. That's a gutless move. It's not being a tattle tale, it's standing up and saying "this guy is a jerk and not good enough for you."
So, odds on Jake as the next Bachelor? Apparently, he comes back next week to put Wes in his place. If that is, in fact, what he does, I'll completely rescind my name-calling for Jake.