The teams on The Biggest Loser: Couples get rejiggered this week, and no one is happy — but the biggest meltdown may surprise you. Also, we discover just how much can happen in 24 hours, and just how little happens on an hour of this show.

It’s time to go from Couple vs. Couple to Blue vs. Black, and as per usual, the show decides who goes where with a challenge. One member of each team has to do up-downs, a classic football conditioning drill that consists of lying on the ground, jumping up to hit a marker, then dropping down again. The first person to make it to 100 touches wins the right to choose their team’s trainer. The last person will automatically be split from his or her team. Everyone in between will let a coin toss decide their fate.

Sione starts out strong, but Tara in her usual machine-like self, and she ends up blowing by him. That woman is unstoppable! She does bug me occasionally, but I have to give her mad props for being such a physical bad-ass. She’s scary good. Kristin and Helen battle it out to avoid last place, and Kristin, in true Team Purple form, just barely avoids last place. What IS it about Team Purple and the ragged edge of disaster?

The coin toss is fraught with peril — Sione and Filipe end up on Jillian’s Team Black, and they’re devastated. They join Tara and Laura, who got to stay with Jillian. Mandi and Aubrey get Team Blue. On the upside, that means they get to stay together, but it also means they have to leave Jillian. Dane also gets Blue, and is ripped away from Jillian. Team Brown gets Black, which means they have to split up. Ron stays with Bob, while Mike goes with Jillian. Team Purple gets to stay with Bob, while Helen, the sole remaining member of Team Pink, gets shunted over to Jillian’s Team Black.

The competitors who had to switch trainers — and who saw former teammates suddenly go to the other side — are devastated. But that’s nothing compared to Bob’s reaction. Bob sniffles and sighs and finally weeps openly about losing his former team. Um, Bob? I know that it’s tough losing people you trained, but you’ve got a gym full of folks who need your leadership now. Get over it, ok? And dial back the dramatics — you just reshuffled a team, you didn’t lose lives.

The Challenge
The newly constructed teams have an endurance challenge — 24 hours on a bike, with every team member putting in a butt-bruising stint at the pedals. The team that racks up the most miles gets a three-pound weight pass, plus every member of the winning team gets a custom bike.

The teams start pedaling — and almost immediately start complaining. My butt hurts! My knees are bugging me! My back is achy from sleeping on the floor! Wah! It gets bad enough that Mandi and Cathy from Team Blue propose a truce — why don’t both teams agree to stop now, after nine hours? We need our rest to lose weight! Most folks seem to think that eminently sensible — and it spares their aching asses — but Sione speaks up. I can’t quit. Quitting is what got me here. This sucks, and it hurts, and I’m not happy, but I can’t see quitting a challenge before it’s done. I respect your decision if you want to break off, but I have to see this thing through.

This turns out to be basically the St. Crispin’s Day speech of The Biggest Loser — everyone rallies ’round Sione and realizes that hey, he’s right! We DO need to finish this! Onward, brothers and sisters, unto the breach and into glory! Both teams make it the full 24 hours, and cover a hell of a lot of miles. Team Blue rides 264 miles, while Team Black eats up 301.9 miles. Team Black wins the three-pound pass. Will it be enough?

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends

  • Helen wonders whether she made the right decision sending Shanon home instead of going herself. A little late now, Helen!
  • What did you think of the Trainer-switch drama? The extreme reactions just made the whole situation seem even more cult like than usual for me. Theoretically, both Bob and Jillian are qualified to kick your ass. Is there really that much of a difference between the two of them?
  • Bob needs to adjust his meds — I can’t believe he had such a strong reaction to seeing his team shuffled like that. Sure, I’d hate to lose Sione and Filipe, too — those guys are adorable and I love them — but outright tears? Saying this is the hardest thing he’s ever experienced on The Biggest Loser? Dial it back a bit, Bob!
  • Tara was the biggest bad-ass on the bike, covering the most ground by herself. See? Machine!
  • I am unclear as to why the team members thought they had to sleep the gym. If they were off for two and a half hours, surely they could have staggered to their rooms for a catnap instead of sleeping on the floor.
  • I loved Aubrey’s reaction to Sione’s “I can’t quit” speech. “I’m with you. I hate you, but I’m with you.” Heh.

Posted by:Sarah Jersild