Makeover episodes, like this week’s The Biggest Loser, are always a blast. Either something goes really well, and people look spectacular, or something goes horribly wrong, and at least we enjoy the Schadenfreude. This particular makeover show is even more fun because Project Runway‘s Tim Gunn is doling out fashion advise. Squeeeee!
I have about 100 pairs of shoes and spoilers.
First order of business — last week’s elimination. Kelly votes Brittany, everyone else votes Maggie, and away Maggie goes. In her look-at-me-now interview, Maggie says she now has the strength and confidence to hit on men in bars. All righty then.
Tim talks everyone through fit and color and fashion tips — show off the collarbone, elongate the neckline, make sure things fit, have fun with color. The best is the outfits he picks out for everyone. The guys all have variations on jackets — Roger gets a straight-up business suit, Jay enjoys a fitted leather jacket and fancy jeans, and both Dan and Mark get some variety of velvet blazer. They look good.
But it’s the women who really shine: Kelly’s new hair and makeup make her look 10 years younger, and the empire-waist dress fits her beautifully. Ali gets a delicate, spaghetti-strap dress that looks like something Audrey Hepburn would wear — she looks incredible. And Tim goes completely over the top with Brittany, putting her in a vivid purple dress with a neckline that stops at the navel. There is some serious double-sided tape usage going on. Brittany is a knockout.
As a bonus, everyone gets surprised at the runway show by a significant person from home. Mark immediately breaks down and blubbers, and I have no idea why it annoys me so much. Jay, in his wife’s words, "squealed like a little girl," and also gets a bit teary. Roger is thrilled to see his wife, and she’s even more thrilled to see him. Dan’s dad comes to visit and is impressed with his rock-star look (Personally? I’m not. The hair during the show verges on a mullet, and the sunglasses were too much.)
Ali got to see her sister, who is completely gobsmacked. Brittany and Kelly both get visits from their moms, and the moms are impressed. Brittany’s mom is slightly freaked by the dress, though — there was a whole lot of cleaving going on. She’s got it, and she’s apparently completely untouched by gravity, so she might as well flaunt it.
The competitors faced an endurance challenge — walk backwards on a treadmill set at an incline, and also on a platform 10 feet above a pool. The one who stays on the longest wins a fitness vacation in Utah.
Kelly and Roger last about 40 minutes, then are in the pool. Dan decides to jump, and Brittany does the same at about 45 minutes. Jay jumps at 56 minutes, leaving Ali and Mark battling it out. They last to the one hour, five minute mark, then Ali takes the plunge. Mark follows with a cannonball. Refreshingly, he apologizes for being something of a competitive, abrasive ass in the past.
Roger is mortally offended by the kinder, gentler Mark — Don’t apologize for being competitive! Just be Mark! "I want him to yell and scream and piss people off!" Roger says. He says it as if that’s a part of Mark’s essential charm, but I think Roger is afraid that he’s now the most despised person on campus.
So does Mark — "In the beginning, it worked better for Roger because it took the attention off him and Trent and put it on Jay and I. Now I’m quiet, he’s got more of the attention, and I don’t think he likes it."
There’s a profanity-laced yelling argument between the two alpha dogs, while Jay, Dan and Bob sit there uncomfortably. Awkward!
Jillian theorizes that maybe it’s electrolyte balances that are slowing Brittany’s weight loss down. Therefore, she decided to boost the amount of sodium Brittany ate this week. "As Brittany is walking up to the scale I’m thinking this is either going to be a huge number or a disaster," Jillian says. Guess which one it is?
Three competitors have a good week. Dan tops out the group, losing 8 pounds and exiting the 200s. He lost 3.86% of his body weight. Roger is close behind, losing 9 pounds, or 3.59%. Ali rounds out the top three, losing 5 pounds, 3.13% of her body weight.
The other four? Not so good, from a competition standpoint (again, as always, in the real world, any amount of weight lost is a reason for celebration.) Mark is down 3 pounds, or 1.6%. On the upside, he’s now lost exactly 100 pounds and reached his goal weight of 185. On the downside, he’s perilously close to the yellow line. Kelly follows, losing 3 pounds, 1.49% of her body weight, and exiting the 200s. She’s thrilled.
Jay and Brittany are in the bottom two: Jay loses 3 pounds, for 1.44%, and Brittany loses 2 pounds, for 1.16%.
This is what sort of drove me nuts. Look at who’s below the yellow line. It’s a no-brainer that Jay is the bigger threat, and at this point in the game, you’d think everyone would be aware of that. Nope. Kelly votes for Jay, but Roger, Dan, and (most inexplicably) Ali all vote for Brittany. She’s going home.
At the look at me now interview, Brittany has lost a total of 62 pounds and looks great. What’s more, she celebrates her accomplishment by skydiving. That’s kind of awesome. Go, Brittany!
Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends
- Dear god, Dan talks a lot. I mean, a lot For the last few episodes, do you think the producers could just muzzle him to make my life easier? Please?
- Ali is overwhelmed by the delicate little dress Tim picks out for her: "I know I’m beautiful and whatever and your mom tells you that all the time, but I feel like I could own that dress, and I haven’t felt like that in a long time." It’s the look on her face when she says "you mom tells you" that’s simultaneously hysterical and heartbreaking. I think Ali’s my favorite person left.
- Kelly should not be allowed to pick out her own clothing. The dowdy black dress she showed Tim was awful.
- They made a huge deal about cutting Dan’s hair — he was saying he wanted to keep it rock-n-roll, like Keith Urban. Isn’t Keith Urban a country singer?
- Jay took to the runway with a bizarre combination of Saturday Night Fever and an old soft-shoe routine. It was kind of adorable.
- Tim, when showing Brittany her dress: "I took the oomph and sophistication and wow factor, and I ramped it up a few notches. I hope you don’t mind and I hope the NBC censors don’t mind." Hee!
- On a completely shallow note, I loved Alison’s jacket during the runway show, but the ribbon around her neck made me think of that campfire story about the wife who tells her husband never to take off her choker, and when he does, her head falls off. It possible I need to get out more.