alison sweeney bob harper jillian michaels biggest loser 320 'The Biggest Loser' Premiere: It just keeps getting biggerTonight starts another season of “The Biggest Loser: Couples” and once again, it’s touting the biggest and unhealthiest contestants EVER. To be fair, they’ve got a rather large pool of possible contestants to choose from. Thanks, America.

As we’re introduced to this season’s batch, there’s one common theme that stands out: being unlovable. Big people need love too, yo. But it’s hard for someone to love you if you don’t love yourself. By the end of this season, hopefully that will change. But Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels certainly have their work cut out for them; along with the heaviest contestant EVER (Michael is 526 pounds, but looks like more like 450), we’ve got the half-ton twins. Seriously, these dudes are huge. To rub salt in the wounds, NBC decides to make them weigh-in in front of their entire hometowns. There’s nothing more embarrassing than having your middle school English teacher see you with no shirt.

Once the contestants arrive on the ranch, Alison Sweeney ushers them all into an empty gym. Of course, it’s time for their first challenge. With Dr. H and the rest of the medical staff standing by, each team prepares to bike a marathon. That’s 26.2 miles of biking. Which might not sound like a lot, but for these people (the unhealthiest contestants EVER) it’s going to be difficult. Here’s some added pressure: the two teams that finish last will be sent home while the winner gets immunity. The first casualty is Blue team’s mom Cherita who is pulled off the bike by Dr. H due to stomach cramps.

miggy sebren migdalia cancel biggest loser s9 320 'The Biggest Loser' Premiere: It just keeps getting biggerThe first team to finish is the Green Team, followed by Gray and Orange. After more than an hour on the bikes, the last two teams are Blue and Yellow. Alison sends them away in their own stretch limos, but – surprise, surprise–Bob and Jillian jump out and bring exciting news. After 30 days at home, both teams will be able to come back and face off against each other for a spot on the ranch. So at least we’ve got that to look forward to in a few weeks.

On with the workouts! Bob and Jill, to put it lightly, beat the crap out of these guys. People are puking in trash cans and out of windows. Sweat is flowing from every pore. It’s always fun seeing a contestant fall off a treadmill, isn’t it? It happens at least once a season.

The first weigh-in is typically a record-breaking event. These people have drastically changed their diets and lifestyles, and the scale reflects that. This time, two records are broken. The first is by Purple Team’s mom Patti, who loses 23 pounds in one week, which is more than any female ever. The next record broken is by Michael (the fattest contestant) who drops out of the 500’s with his 34-pound loss. That’s also more than any male contestant has lost in one week. Those two records help secure their teams for another week, so the rest of the players have reason to be nervous.

james crutchfield biggest loser s9 320 'The Biggest Loser' Premiere: It just keeps getting biggerEven though they weigh more than any other team, Brown only loses 23 pounds each with a 4.75% loss. That sends them under the yellow line, leaving the rest of the players to choose which twin to send home. This is a head-scratcher considering they started out the same weight and lost the same weight. They weigh the pros and cons. John is stronger thanks to his brother’s bum knee, but James wouldn’t have to go right back to work.

They decide to send James home despite the fact that John might be competition down the line. It was probably the right call, because James has made going to the gym his full-time job. In two short months, he’s dropped a whopping 100 pounds! That’s a lot even for the Biggest Loser ranch. Well, as much as breaking up a set of twins is difficult to do, it looks like the contestants made the right choice.

Next time… it’s the dreaded  Week Two Curse! Someone will gain weight! But who?

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Posted by:Brandon Millman