stephanie patti anderson biggest loser s9 320 'The Biggest Loser': The Week Two Curse brings bloody noses and broken bonesIt’s that time of year again; time to battle “The Biggest Loser’s” dreaded Week Two curse. And what better way to do that than a series of wake-up calls from Dr. H and company? Oh, and someone smashes her face in.

Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels are well aware that the curse is looming overhead, so of course, their main goal is to pump up the workouts. But first! Dr. H has become somewhat of a stringent news-breaker when it comes to telling the contestants just how fat and unhealthy they’ve truly become. Bob volunteers to be guinea pig and gets weighed down with 303 pounds, which is equivalent to Michael’s excess body fat. Bob literally looks like he’s in pain. He doesn’t understand how Michael can physically carry around so much weight every day. Then there’s Patti from the Purple Team. She’s on nine different medications for diabetes, is on the verge of losing her feet from the disease, and still hasn’t given up her delicious sugary treats. Now that, my friends, is suicide.

Red Team’s Lance actually used to be a commercial diver, but gained weight and lost his job. Dr. H even brings in an armored truck to demonstrate how much money the average person loses due to obesity. Remember how Jillian has always refused to eat junk food to prove a point?  Well apparently she decided to do it this time because Orange Team eats over half of Taco Bell’s menu every day. Jill only makes it through about four nachos before she spits it all up. And somehow, I’m still physically attracted to her.

maria ventrella biggest loser s9 320 'The Biggest Loser': The Week Two Curse brings bloody noses and broken bonesWe take a break from the wake-up calls for this week’s challenge. It’s a pool! The challenge itself was pretty boring; the teams have to take ten balls from one side of the pool to the other on a balance beam. The contestants, however, treat it like they’re walking a tight rope across the Grand Canyon. The most pathetic teams are Brown (John is still a little lost without his twin) and White. This is where things get interesting. Maria has a fear of water (even though it’s just a pool and there are a hundred crew members milling about) and refuses to cross the balance beam. In one swift moment of glory, she jumps off the beam and smashes her face into the concrete. The paramedics strap her on a gurney like she’s just fallen off a 3-story balcony and send her off to the hospital. For being the losers, the White Team incurs a 2-pound penalty at the weigh-in. The Red Team won the challenge, along with immunity.

Because of her banged up body, Maria isn’t able to work out at full speed. Jillian, however, has no sympathy for Maria.  She calls her out on pretending to be weak and fragile and makes Maria get into the pool for a doggie-paddle lesson. Bob, similarly, calls our Michael for going with his mom instead of finishing the challenge. It’s about time the White Team realizes they won’t be coddled on the Biggest Loser ranch.  

Back to Dr. H! He’s still dishing out the devastatingly embarrassing news, and this time they’re doing the “real age” tests. Maria (surprise, surprise) has the worst physical regiment Dr. H has ever seen. Then there’s 51-year old Cheryl from the Orange Team, who has an internal age of 75. It doesn’t help matters that she smokes in conjunction with stuffing her face. The Gray Team are shown some hidden camera footage of their sleeping habits. They toss and turn so much it’s hard to imagine they’re getting a few minutes of sleep at a time. Pink Team’s Ashley isn’t faring too well after finding out her internal age is 30 years higher than her actual age.

miggy sebren migdalia cancel biggest loser s9 320 'The Biggest Loser': The Week Two Curse brings bloody noses and broken bonesAt the weigh-in, everyone’s walking in a little bit anxious. The Week Two curse is definitely in full swing, and sometimes no matter how much someone works out, it’s no guarantee they’ll lose weight. First up is the Red Team. They won immunity, and apparently they’re also quite the game players. Melissa gains a pound and makes it pretty obvious she watered down. Bob would rather her just state it bluntly, but she retorts that her concern is getting big numbers next week. ‘Nuff said. Gray Team manages to get 17 pounds together, Pink puts up a combined 13 (Sherry falls below 200 pounds), and Green takes the lead with 12 pounds. Then there’s Purple, who only manages to lose a total of seven pounds, but not from lack of trying on Stephanie’s part. Orange is safe with ten pounds, John hangs in there with a ten pound loss as well, and the Black Team loses an amazing 15 pounds.

They save the best for last. The White Team has all the odds against them. A 2-pound penalty. A broken mommy. The fattest person on the ranch. But somehow, somehow, Maria loses ten pounds and Michael loses 11. WTF? Did Maria call last season’s Tracey for tips on how to squeak by in this competition? That means that Purple is going to elimination. It’s always convenient when the other teams don’t need to make the tough decision. Patti volunteers herself to go home, even though she’s got pretty bad health problems. In her update, she hasn’t really lost that much more weight but looks to be semi-motivated. Perhaps she’s just taking her time.

Next week: more watered-down contestants! I see a pattern forming.

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Posted by:Brandon Millman