Five minutes before a vote on the company Eli and Alicia are helping Colin Sweeney win back, Morena Baccarin shows up, claiming sexual harassment and with a child she claims is his — but since Colin Sweeney is a weirdo that prefers lying and acting weird to conducting himself in a normal way, getting to the bottom of things is a lot more complicated — both logistically and ethically — than it needs to be. And of course, by the end of things, also way weirder. Turns out the woman was working for Colin’s rival in the company, there’s this whole thing about *******s and turkey basters, and the point is she impregnated herself with his semen. But then, because it’s Colin Sweeney, he decides that’s awesome, and they run off to raise the kid together.
Opting for family life, the return to hearth and home, is something of a theme for Alicia this week, once her apartment goes condo and she realizes they’ll have to move again. The Highland Park house where the Florricks lived until everything went to **** is back on the market, which the kids love no end but Alicia’s worried about money and unsure how to play her next move, financially. In the end of the episode, she sneaks off to take in a tour of the open house and, confronted with fifteen years of memories, pretty much wigs.
And the financial bits are just the part you can see. Alicia’s got herself so freaked out — about money, about the kids, about the usual stuff she’s freaked about — that she lets the intense office politics get to her, finally going after Caitlin for “undercutting” her and pretty much doing everything exactly wrong. Which, to her credit, she figures out almost immediately, but then it turns out it doesn’t really matter, because there is no secret and there is no agenda and it has nothing to do with Alicia or Will or even Diane: Caitlin’s leaving the firm to get married and have a baby. A story Alicia knows pretty well, and a stinging reminder that turning on Caitlin is exactly what they want you to do.