Last time on The Hills, H & H’s mom told Spencer off and he was rude to Heidi, Audrina dated Colin but couldn’t shut up about Justin, and then Justin didn’t care that she was dating someone. At the Bachelorette Pad, Audrina tells Lauren she spent all weekend hanging out with Cory the Australian and didn’t tell Justin. They think maybe Audrina dating will make Justin want her. Yes, that’s a great plan.

Karma Coffeehouse. Stephanie (we haven’t seen her in awhile) has coffee with Spencer and he bitches about Heidi’s relatives, making THEM sound crazy. He says Holly is in his "office" all day long. Where he does… what? Email tabloids and tell them where he and Heidi will be at dinner? He then compares Heidi’s mom telling him off to being "bombed like Pearl Harbor."

People’s Revolution. LC invites Whitney to a party in Malibu on Saturday and says Audrina may be bringing Cory the Australian. LC likes him better than Justin because he actually wants to be with Audrina and that she’s so grateful for the little things, like returning her calls and showing up for dates. I’m glad LC can rercognize that it is not healthy for Audrina to not just expect that from everybody.

Aud and Cory’s date. He’s leaving to go back to Australia soon. Maybe he’ll end up transferring to Rydell and they can all sing "Summer Loving" on the bleachers.  Cory asks about Justin and Audrina says they’re just friends. Hmm. She invites him to the Malibu party and they leave together.

ALL house, the next day? Aud and Cory eat cereal. Are we to think he spent the night and there was a little somethin’, somethin’ going on? High five, Audrina! LC comes in and they invite Cory to their Cabo house for Brody’s birthday. Wow, that sounds fun. Jealous over here.

House of Bitchiness and Tantrums. Spencer refuses to take Holly with them to brunch. He wants Heidi to kick her out, saying she is being a pushover. So she can either be a pushover for her family or a pushover for you? Spencer finally lays it all out there with, "It’s either her or it’s me." I get the feeling I’m going to be severely disappointed in who Heidi chooses.

Malibu. LC tells Whitney about finding Cory and Aud making cereal and how cute it was. She says Cory’s a nice guy but still has enough edge for Audrina. Doug and Frankie show up and want to invite Justin. LC knows what a bad idea that is, but Frankie calls Justin anyway. They then discuss the Cabo trip, which both boys have been invited to, which Aud looks just thrilled to hear.

LC and Aud walk a cute dog. Where did that come from? Did they steal that from somebody? Audrina tells LC she doesn’t know who to choose and LC advises that things are new with Cory and Justin is kind of a jerk who treats her badly. That may be my interpretation of LC’s actual words.

House of Ultimatums. Heidi tells Holly it’s time for her to go. Holly doesn’t have a job yet and doesn’t know what to do. Heidi says Spencer gave her an ultimatum and she won’t sacrifice her relationship to keep helping her sister. I mean, I understand that Holly’s been there for, what, a month now. But c’mon, Heidi. Open your eyes!

ALL house. Justin comes over, dressed like a loser biker dude, and he and Aud drink wine on the patio. He tells Audrina she can get in the pool and he can watch, so she starts stripping. Um, what?!? What is with these women? Justin says if she takes her top off he’ll come in the pool, so she does it. Because she is so desperate for his attention that she will do anything he tells her to do. At least he gets in the pool and doesn’t just laugh at her.

Justin tells her that "it’s on" in Cabo. What does that mean? That it’s on with him and other chicks? Or it’s on between him and Cory? I’m confused. Audrina says, "I don’t trust you," which might be the smartest thing she’s ever said. Ugh.

I CHOOSE CORY AND HOLLY. But I think I lose.

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."