hills 0622 'The Hills': March of the crazy blondesBrody was like, sort of he thought it was funny and sort of it was all getting to be too much, but he thinks girls are just these beeping contraptions anyway. On the one hand, it was hilarious that now the crazy girls were multiplying and forming roving packs. On the other hand, it was like McK had herself broken into the metaphorical house of the “crazy blonde girl breaking into the house” story, and was wearing it like a second skin and piloting the crazy blonde girl around from inside her own realistic narrative.

Also, both of them were telling people, mostly each other, that they were dating Brody and that he bought them a pony and things of this nature, which were wholly untrue. That’s the bad kind of dangerous, the not-Kristin kind of dangerous. So then Kristin — whose personal relationship with Brody is more about not having a narrative and making that the narrative — had had quite enough of this business, and did what she had to do to make sure that everybody in LA knew that the crazy blonde girl was crazy, which essentially meant losing it on crazy blonde girl only insofar and as much as she had to, in order to turn crazy blonde visibly crazy, without herself seeming to be crazy. This was great, because McK was finally ashamed, but what nobody noticed is that mostly Kristin just accused the crazy blonde girl of being crazy enough times that it was obvious. Also, that blonde girl has a wonky everything and is hard to look at.

The only thing sadder than mushmouth McK and her bad taste in whores is the creature of a relationship that Audrina and puffy elder statesman Ryan Cabrera have cooked up out of leftover moss and a chicken wing, so that was dumb some more. Audrina is so stupid that even when she has an emotion she doesn’t know why or what it means, so she broke down crying while Ryan Cabrera was singing the only song he ever learned, and everybody including Audrina and Ryan just assumed it had to do with Justin Bobby, because honestly what else has ever happened to Audrina. It’s highly probable.

So she sort of forgot herself, and those eyes went to the ceiling and when they came back down again, there was Justin Bobby dressed like Rufus Humphrey dressed like Lady Gaga, and he rubbed his wang on a motorcycle and Audrina’s works started sparking and there was a smell like burning.

Photo credit: MTV

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