started off with phone sex, strip clubs a mother could be proud of and Danielle hauling out enough crazy to attempt to crash a girls night she wasn't invited to with a salon ambush. This week? Bathroom sex, over indulged kids and the continent of Canada.
Teresa takes her girls shopping, which is a horror show as at they run amok, whine and scream "Mommy! I WANT THIS"! And Teresa buys it all to the tune of over a grand. During the shopping binge, she gets a phone call from little Gia's agent. She has an audition to be in a film with The Rock, so Teresa decides maybe she needs some acting lessons. Gee, you think? Also, I cannot help but laugh a bit at at the house she's building. It's more than over the top. It's homicidal monkey in a room full of bananas, armed with an uzi, out of control.
Jacqueline takes her need to please everyone to new heights by throwing her 6 year old a birthday party that includes pony rides, a petting zoo, a bounce house, giant slide, carnival games, clowns, stilt walkers, prizes, and lord only knows what else. He's 6. Toss him and his friends in a pool with some Batman figures. They'll be fine. He teenage daughter, Ashley, tries to take over the party, but Danielle takes over first and steps into the "I'm the mommy, that's why" role without even being related to anyone there. Which is creepy.On a more somber note, we also find out that Jacqueline has had 4 miscarriages in the last few years. Which is horrible and I'm sorry she's gone through that. I'm also sorry that she has to endure Dina's bossiness, but more on that later.
Caroline would have seemed better suited to take Ashley in hand, but apparently she doesn't have her own daughter Lauren in hand. She graduated from high school two years ago and since then has apparently didn't a whole lot of….forgetting everything she learned in high school. Unless Canada become its own continent, that is. Caroline wants to push her into beauty school, but Lauren whines that it will hurt her hands. Her brothers push for them to buy her a salon, but her father reasons that she's got some common sense, but he wouldn't call her "smart". Thanks, dad!
Danielle brings a little crazy out by telling us about her instant connection with Jacqueline and how she got off on the wrong foot with Dina but that she thinks they will be best friends eventually. At CJs party, she makes a beeline for Dina and attacks her with multiple hugs, repeatedly telling her that she's sorry, she looks gorgeous and asking if she can borrow her boobs. It's a little Single White Female, frankly.
Which is nowhere near as awkward and inappropriate as her date with Steve, about 20 years her junior (for real). It's not the age difference that is strange, it's her conviction that he's into her for her youth and then her attempt to slut up the evening by suggesting they sneak into the bathroom at the restaurant for a quickie. She's all class! I am sure that scene will be all the rage at the school her girls go to. Way to go, mom!
Dina spends most of the end of the episode hogging all the screen time with a charity even called Project Ladybug, which raises money for cancer patients. Which is more than a worthy cause, of course. Yet, I never understand why the people who chair these events get their panties in a twist over the tiniest details. Like not having exactly the person she wants standing in a specific spot to sell tickets. Everyone complains about her being in "bitch mode", yet no one says a thing to her about calming the heck down, so I don;t feel a bit sorry for any of them.
Is Danielle obsessed with Dina or is it just a means for her to keep Jacqueline under her thumb? Is Teresa's house French chalet or nouveau riche trash? Is a fundraiser featuring "everything from scrap booking to botox" your personal nightmare too?