real-housewives-of-new-york-bravo-premiere-recap.jpgThe Real Housewives of New York City” are back for Season 3, but it feels like we’ve entered an alternate universe.

Ramona’s cougar cruise
Ramona invites Jill and LuAnn for a party on a yacht. Boy, is Ramona a sight. She cut her hair and she’s wearing a bikini! I have to agree with Jill. She’s too old to be wearing that. Here comes the even bigger surprise. After hating on Alex for all of last season, she invited her to the party. It seems Ramona has gone through some sort of rebirth, “renewing herself” as she calls it (while Jill fakes as if she’s going to vomit! Hah). I have to say that when she placed her head on Alex’s shoulder, I got a chill. Not the good kind. It came off a bit fake. She soon broke out with her HSN jewelry and began peddling her wares. That was a bit self-promotional, no?

Soon, Bethenny came up in conversation and we find out that Jill is no longer friends with her. I have to admit I’m a bit sad about that. According to Jill, they were having some hard times, but the straw that broke the socialite’s back was when Bethenny left a message for her saying that she needed to “get a hobby.” Jill saved the message, no doubt listened to it over and over and subjected her husband and daughter to it, then stopped speaking to Bethenny.

LuAnn, though, has a bone to pick with Ramona. Well, it was more for her husband, but Ramona was there. It seems that LuAnn was at a shoot and someone called her Countess and Ramona’s husband said under his breath “Count-less,” an obvious jab at her divorce. LuAnn was hurt, so she brought it up to Ramona. She didn’t really want to talk about it and felt the beef was between LuAnn and her husband (which I kind of agree with). She doesn’t help matters when she says that LuAnn is probably being sensitive and by pointing out there are no titles in the U.S. Then, Jill got involved. Ramona, feeling ganged up on, runs off and cries with the other women at the party. Then we find out that Ramona’s verbally abusive father just passed and she’s feeling free of the abuse she experienced growing up. That was the root of her rebirth.

Strangely enough, she recuperates and she’s able to pour LuAnn a drink soon afterward. Can anyone say passive-aggressive? Get us off this boat!

real-housewives-of-new-york-bravo-premiere-recap-bethenny-luann.jpgBethenny is furless
We see Bethenny on her nude PETA shoot. The one that made headlines when the nutrition queen was accused that the final image was excessively touched up. She responded by releasing the original version of the photo. I have to say, the broad doesn’t look too bad. Oh, and did I just see Bethenny’s boobies? During the shoot, she took pictures of herself naked to send to her new boyfriend (not fiance, yet), Jason.

Later, when Bethenny’s assistant finds multiple emails from Jill and needs to know what to delete, we find out Bethenny’s side of the story. She had a free trip and decided to bring Jason. Jill was angry that Bethenny didn’t choose to bring her. Then, they started arguing over whether Bethenny was thankful for all that Jill has done for her. Bethenny’s response? Get a hobby.

Jason arrives and he seems like a nice enough guy if not a bit boring. I guess he balances out Bethenny’s crazy energy. He then lectures her about emailing the nude photos to him at work. And, ick, he’s not cool with the fact she posed naked. Yawn.

Jason thinks that Jill can’t handle Bethenny’s newfound independence. Then some dirt: According to Bethenny, when she hosted the “Today” show, Jill called the show and asked why she wasn’t asked. Tardy to the party, Jill.

Kelly doesn’t want “Mr. Right Now”
Jill, LuAnn and Kelly meet up for lunch. Turns out that since last year, Jill has decided that she hasn’t given Kelly a chance. LuAnn rehashes the fight with Ramona over her husband’s comment and Kelly agrees that Ramona was being insensitive. Turns out that Kelly has also had a new revelation. She’s ready to find “Mr. Right” not “Mr. Right Now,” a saying that has been around since the caveman and LuAnn and Jill can’t seem to wrap their heads around what that means. Oy.

We then find out that Jill has been dealing with her husband having thyroid cancer and Bethenny never came to the hospital. She did send flowers. Fail, Bethenny.

If you remember from last season’s reunion show, Kelly had been charged for assaulting some guy she was dating. According to Kelly, the charges were dismissed. She said she made some wrong decisions in that situation and it changed her. Now, she says, when once she was very open to people, her guard has gone up.

LuAnn has beef
LuAnn and Bethenny decide to meet for drinks. Bethenny (driven to the meeting in her, cough, Skinny Girl emblazoned beetle, self promotion galore) already arrives in a bad mood. LuAnn had formerly cancelled on her, and then told her that she would have to meet her close to LuAnn’s house. So, Bethenny had to drive in from Montauk where she was staying and she was not happy. LuAnn, it turns out, isn’t happy either. She was totally offended by a comment Bethenny made last season about LuAnn constantly stiffing her. Bethenny has had enough of LuAnn’s hypocrisy and calls her out. Of course, LuAnn denies it all and finds her inappropriate. They agree not to make comments behind each other’s back. Something tells me this won’t last long.

This is “Real Housewives.” What would the show be if they weren’t snarky behind each other’s back? Do you feel that this season has taken a bizarre turn from seasons past?

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Photo credit: Bravo

Posted by:Jethro Nededog