Wow, has another week passed already? I guess it is time for another double-dose of The Two Coreys (does a double dose of two Coreys mean a quadruple Corey dose?).
This week’s first episode starts off with Susie noticing that the downstairs of the house kind of smells. Feldman does not seem to notice anything, but Susie is convinced of it. And then, she hits what it must be — cigarettes! Cigarette smoke is making her house smell. She is sure Haim has been smoking inside or maybe just too close to the house. She heads out but assigns her husband the task of talking with Haim. Feldman proceeds to go outside and … yup, you guessed it, smoke a cig. Haim catches Feldman in the act and lights up himself. For some reason, they both decide that they should quit and end up throwing out all their cigarettes.
After playing some pool and trying to get their minds off of not smoking, the Coreys eventually decide it is too tough a thing to do on their own, so they head out to the store to get some gum. The gum is, seemingly, disgusting as they both spit it out within five seconds of putting it in their mouths and give up on that idea. They head back to the house to try and clear their minds, but only annoy Susie with their playing "music" on a synthesizer and drums. Haim’s music seems to consist of funny sounds, like coughing, that the synthesizer can make. This "music" making lasts all of five minutes before the boys end up deciding to bag it all and smoke. Thankfully, Haim lied about getting rid of all his cigarettes, so there is no need to run out to the store to buy more.
Needless to say, Susie catches them. Rather than completely berating them however, she is willing to help them in their hour of need and vows to search the internet to help her man, and his man, quit smoking. The first solution Susie hits upon: hypnosis. The Coreys, according to Susie, should get hypnotized. With nothing better to do with their time, the boys agree to give it a shot.
The next morning they head out to a doctor that is going to hypnotize them and the Coreys give this whole endeavor no less than 20% of their all. In their defense, I will admit that the doctor seems a little strange, he explains that there are two stages to the therapy. The first almost looks like he wants them to hold their arms like monkeys, rubbing their hands at their armpits. Haim notices the monkey thing and starts making monkey noises and other jokes. The doc rolls with the punches, letting Haim do his thing while the doc tries to get his message in anyway. He has the boys repeat how they love and accept themselves for who they are. It is then on to stage two of the hypnosis therapy, which has Corey and Corey lie down with their eyes closed and listen to a recording of the doctor telling them to get in touch with and feel different parts of their anatomy (it seems like a relaxation technique). One of these parts happens to be their "erect spine," which, while in no way being dirty is transformed into a crass idea by the boys. When the session finally ends, the boys smoke a cigarette right outside the doctor’s office.
Not to worry though, Susie has another idea for how to get the boys to stop smoking: a sweat lodge. Apparently this is a place you go, meet a Native American, and sweat out the desire to smoke. The Coreys actually agree to do this too and are off. Susie sets up dinner with some girlfriends as long as her husband is out.
On the way to the lodge, Feldman laments being without his wife and Haim makes fun of him (I know I could just pull the second half of that sense from last week’s recap, but you should know that I actually wrote it out again). When they finally arrive at the lodge, they meet Terry, their Native American host, and quickly notice there is no hotel. Instead, what they get can kindly be described as a "tent," but more accurately looks like a blue tarp being held up in a half-dome shape by goodness knows what. Terry explains to the Coreys that once inside they will have to say their wishes to stop smoking out loud because while the Creator hears silent prayers, His helpers need words because they cannot read. I think Terry means spoken words, not just words, but it sort of makes sense anyway.
Haim and Feldman play along. They go into the "lodge" and smoke from a pipe and talk about what they do not like about one another and what they do like. It all actually seems like a good bonding experience.
Susie, meanwhile, is out bonding with her friends. She has more than a little too much to drink (she is out of practice because Feldman does not drink and she does not around him) and comes home relatively drunk. The boys have already arrived home by this time, and Haim suggests that Feldman take advantage of the drunk girl, so Feldman takes his wife upstairs while Haim goes outside for a smoke.
Thus the status quo is returned and we can move on to tonight’s other episode.
At the onset of this episode, Feldman receives a package in the mail, it is a poster of his new movie The Birthday, which he tells us is currently out in Spain (IMDb informs me that it was made in 2004, but was released in Spain in November of 2006, no U.S. release date is listed). I cannot imagine by chance, Haim’s 35th birthday is just a few days away.
Haim decides he wants to go out and asks to borrow the car. Feldman responds that he cannot because he does not have a … yup, license to drive (look how they just sneak that Corey-Corey film title in there). Feldman decides it is time Haim got his license reinstated, and they are off to the DMV. On the way Feldman quizzes Haim on possible test questions. Well, really there is only one question asked — what to do when you hydroplane. Haim gets the answer wrong, this is funny, we are to assume, because this is the same question Haim got wrong in License to Drive and why Haim’s character did not have a license in that film (Feldman points all this out to Haim and the viewer). Happily, back in reality, Haim and Feldman are able to get Haim a license without too much trouble. The fact that Haim spends his time at the DMV hitting on the woman behind the counter seems to help the process along, but I cannot swear to that.
But, the question remains for Feldman and Susie — what will they do for Haim’s birthday? For Feldman the answer becomes clear: get Haim’s mom, Judy, to come and get some strippers. When they speak, Judy agrees to show up for the surprise party and then Feldman and Susie check out the Spearmint Rhino strip club. They need to make sure that the room is just what they are looking for. And, as long as they are there, they sample some of the wares with a couple of lap dances.
Feldman heads out to pick up Judy the next morning at the airport and Haim decides to do laundry. But, Haim has trouble figuring it out and starts bugging Susie to show him how the machines work. Haim explains that he does not regularly do laundry, maybe he did it once or twice in rehab, but it is just not a regular thing for him. Susie chastises him, but does his laundry anyway.
At his first opportunity after getting her at the airport, Feldman asks Judy about having strippers at the party. She thinks it is something of an odd choice, but agrees to attend a party for her son with strippers. Wow. I am impressed. A little sickened, but impressed. Will Haim actually like this? I would not, but maybe he will.
With Feldman and Haim back at home on the morning of the party, Haim seems to be in distress about something. He comes downstairs and explains to Feldman and Susie that he is having trouble with his heart. They quickly head off to the doctor who performs a battery of tests and asks several questions. Feldman prompts Haim to talk about his drug history, so Haim reels off a list of about a half-dozen drugs he used to do on a regular basis. Now that he is clean, Haim does not want his life shortened for previous mistakes he tells the doctor. Armed with test results and a complete history, the doctor believes Haim to be stable and sends him off. Great time for a commercial break.
On the flipside of the commercial Susie asks Feldman about whether or not the party should actually happen. She is worried that Haim might drop dead of a heart attack from the surprise of it all, but Feldman explains to her that the problem is more long-term than acute. The party is still on!
Susie takes up Haim’s time during the rest of the day by getting Haim’s hair done and doing some shopping with him. Feldman, meanwhile, goes to see Judy who tells him that she has decided that they ought not have a stripper party after all. She is thinking more of an ice hockey rink party. Somehow or other (producer help perchance?) Feldman is able to book a hockey rink for later that day and goes out to get all the necessary stuff to play "broom ball" (presumably hockey with brooms and a ball rather than sticks and a puck). When he informs Susie she thinks it odd, but is willing to play along.
Feldman and Judy pull together all the necessary odds and ends for the party and Susie shows up with a blindfolded Haim who seems to genuinely like the idea of having a party. They play broom ball, eat cake, and everyone lives on to next week’s episode.
I cannot promise that I have anything nearly as exciting as surprise broom ball birthday parties going on over there, but come on over and check out The TV and Film Guy’s Reviews anyway.