“When you’re not on time you get docked and she won Grand Supreme. What kind of crap is that?” — Amanda, mother of eight-year-old Daisey Mae, who did not win Grand Supreme.
Amanda has a point. She’s talking about Jacy, also 8, who beat her daughter out for the Grand Supreme title at the Wild West Showdown pageant despite the fact that she (Jacy) was totally late to the stage for her beauty thingamajig routine. How is that fair? It’s not, which is something one learns early on watching “Toddlers & Tiaras.”
As Max Mason, the middle-aged man who emcees and co-directs the Wild West Pageant points out, “If you wanna run with the big dogs, you’ve got to do what the big dogs do, which means the fake nails, the fake hair, the fake teeth. You’ve got to pay to play.”
Which may just trump being on time. And so it was that Jacy ended up with a big honking crown and Daisey Mae — one of Amanda’s nine children — went home empty handed, despite going so far as to strip off her skirt to reveal a pair of pink hot pants during her sizzling Wild West Wow Wear routine and generally being regarded as very pretty. And demonstrating a keen lack of empathy for anyone not pretty.
“If you think your kid is ugly or something, you may not want to do pageants,” says Daisey Mae.
The fact is, Jacy wanted it more. When she complained that her Wow Wear pants were “going up my butt,” her mom, Gina, replied, “That’s alright. It’ll be cute like that.” And — BAM — she totally won.
Alas neither Jacy nor Daisey Mae — or Bridgett (the five-year-old Justin Bieber hater who likes to kill bugs) — won the Ultimate Face Supreme title, which came with a nice cash prize and a puppy who we suspect PETA would like to locate.
Well, okay. Until next week.