," Jason becomes a solider of God, Sookie meets someone just like her, Tara has a wild party and Eric wears a tank top. I'll let you all guess which of those things I was the most interested in watching.

In the teaser this week, Jason gets pranked by his fellow cultists into believing his bunk mates were slaughtered by vampires. It's just like a fraternity house, but with more Jesus! Jason spends the rest of the episode arguing about who in the Bible was the first vampire (discussed: Lazarus, Cain, Jesus, and Eve), having vampire target practice with the Reverend, and seriously coveting the Reverend's wife. The Reverend and his wife invite Jason to be a part of "the Soldiers of the Son," which basically sounds like a cult-within-a-cult. This requires he stay in the Reverend and Sarah's house. Yeah. This isn't going to end well.

After the credits, we jump right back where we left off last week with Bill playing interruptus to Hoyt and Jessica's coitus. He orders Hoyt out of the house and is generally unreasonable in that stubborn Bill way, until Sookie makes him see that he needs to be more gentle with Jessica and really show her what being a vampire can be. She convinces him to take Jessica along on their Dallas trip. When they arrive, some funny business goes on with the driver and Bill figures out he was hired to abduct Sookie. Jessica gets some glamour practice on the limo driver and goes a little overboard, but Bill manages to learn that the Fellowship of the Son hired the limo driver to abduct Sookie and bring her to their church. Bill and Eric meet to discuss the church's involvement, and Eric says that if they don't find Godrick soon the vampires in his region are planning to start openly attacking humans in retaliation. When Bill questions the rationality of this move, Eric's only reply is, "Well, this is Texas." Ha! Back in the room, bellman Barry shows up with a tasty midnight snack for Jessica. More than that, however, Barry brings his own gift of mind reading to Sookie. Awesome! When they realize they are reading each other's minds, Barry takes off running, with Sookie not far behind. Come back, Barry! I'm interested in this story development!

Tara tells Maryann she's moving in with Sookie. Maryann acts

supportive, but I doubt that will last. She shows her support by

throwing Tara a wild birthday party at Sookie's house. As with all of Maryann's parties, she does some chanting and some vibrating, which the party goers (especially Tara and Eggs) seem to enjoy, all up until the point where things start to get just a little bit out of control…which is when Maryann reveals her creepy claws. I want to know more! Enough with the slow burn on this storyline, Alan Ball!

As we saw last week, Sam and Daphne do some skinny dipping and some male/female bonding. The next morning, Sookie finds out Sam is planning to leave town without telling her and reads him the riot act, apologizing for leading him on and making all kinds of excuses for being kind of wishy washy last season, but Sam doesn't want to hear it. Sam drowns his sorrows by making out with Daphne at Tara's party, where Daphne reveals that she knows "what Sam really is." Eeeenteresting.

The Sheriff and the coroner are still stumped over what killed Tara's exorcist. Andy tells the Sheriff about seeing the pig (the same pig that Tara saw when her car ran off the road). Obviously, Andy sounds like a crazy drunk, so the Sheriff assumes he is a crazy drunk and takes away his badge. In the Sheriff's defense, Andy has totally been a crazy drunk lately. Here's predicting Andy is the only one who figures out what Maryann is really up to but can't get anyone to believe him.

Tara visits Lafayette and he pretty much gives her the blow-off, preferring to let his body heal on its own. He is sitting on the couch feeling sorry for himself when Eric shows up at his window and offers to give him his blood to heal his gunshot wound. Lafayette correctly guesses that Eric just wants him to drink his blood so he can track him in the future, and Eric admits that since Lafayette is so important to Sookie he wants to keep tabs on him. Eric's obsession with Sookie is leading to something, but I can't quite figure out what yet. Any of you have any (non-book spoiler) guesses?

Random thoughts:

  • Arlene's little giggle at Daphne's complaint about working hard was hilarious.
  • Tara's birthday tears and confession to Eggs about always crying on her birthday was probably supposed to be heart wrenching and character-illuminating, but I found it quite a tired cliche. They've tried to give Tara more depth, but this took her character back about 100 paces for me.
  • Bill threatening the limo driver (Hank from Breaking Bad!) was AWESOME. That was the first time I've ever thought Stephen Moyer really pulled off the fine line between cheesy awesomeness and true menace that being a TV vampire requires.
  • I vote Eric sits around in a black tank top baring his forearms more often. Anyone with me on this?

Favorite quotes:

  • "Are you going to leave, or am I going to have to throw you out? Through a window. That is closed!" – Bill, to Hoyt
  • "Bill, that is just rude." – Sookie, in response
  • "Is it my fault my fangs come out when I get turned on?" – Jessica
  • "I am a vampire, I'm supposed to be tormented." – Bill
  • "I'll need to call the airlines to arrange for two travel coffins instead of just one." – Bill
  • "Maybe Jesus was the first vampire. I mean, he rose from the dead, too. He told people 'Hey y'all, drink my blood. It will give you special powers.'" – Jason
  • "Evil is making the premeditated choice to be a dick." – Jason
  • "I've always love these, they're like booze for dolls. They gave me ten!" – Sookie, holding an airplane-sized vodka bottle

What did you guys think?

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Posted by:Carrie Raisler