Shocking? Not so much.
Let’s tally the bodies — and goop — shall we?
(WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!)
Unfortunately (sorry, we are on Team Kill Bill) — he was reborn, arising nude and blood-drenched like Lilith, as Eric ordered Sookie to run for her life.
At least we know who the big bad will be in Season 6?
Before deifying himself, Bill flattered Salom� into believing Lilith told him she was the true prophet. She sealed the deal by drinking Bill’s silver-poisoned blood mickey. If there’s anything worse than a true death, it has to be Bill lecturing you about your “impatience” during your last agonizing seconds.
Bill is the last man (or whatever he is) standing of the original Authority baddies. Russell Edgington (Denis O’Hare) was staked by Eric while the fairies tried to stun him with their magic light sabers — and this time around, he was truly dead and just as goopy as his last boyfriend.
Rosalyn went (inside) out “Alien”-style, with Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell) shapeshifting inside her after she swallowed his fly form. Meanwhile, Luna (Janina Gavankar ) skinwalked into Steve Newlin (Michael McMillian) and back again, just in time to reveal the Authority’s true identity during a live broadcast interview.
Jason, goaded by hallucinations of his fanger-hating parents, played a rousing real-life game of Vampire Soldier of Fortune, shooting the Authority receptionist and several guards before breaking Jessica’s (Deborah Ann Woll) heart by rejecting her.
Pam and Tara, on the other hand, shared a passionate mother-and-child reunion, making out while Sookie & Co. gaped in amazement.
Back at Bon Temps, Arlene and Holly (Lauren Bowles got drunk on Lafayette’s (Nelsan Ellis)
fancy cocktails, just in time to witness Andy’s (Christopher Bauer baby mama Maurella give birth to their quadruplets and just as many orgasms.
Alcide (Joe Manganiello) hastily wrapped up his alpha male arc by predictably offing his nemesis J.D., who was force-feeding vampire blood to the pack. So Alcide drank some himself in order to kill the nasty renegade, assume leadership of the pack and deliver a meh speech about not surrendering to nihilism (like the werewolves’ storyline this season).
Bill, sadly, utterly surrendered to Lilith…and became her. It was too late for Sookie to save him — now, save herself from the monster formerly known as Bill?
What did you think of the finale? Are you disappointed or just dying to see what happens next?