true blood premiere eric northman 'True Blood': It's spine tingling!

True Blood” gives spine-tingling a whole new meaning as Russell shows America his true colors, while also showing us someone’s spinal column.

After staking Talbot, Eric rushes back to Fangtasia to collect Pam and commence hiding from the fuzz. He ends up accidentally being too late, as Nan Flanagan arrives with her gang of Demolition Man soldiers and takes Eric into custody for selling V. Seriously, what is UP with those cop get-ups? I literally had to pause the episode for three minutes because I couldn’t stop chuckling. Also, Demolition Man doesn’t feel like the right reference. Anyone got a better one?

She has Eric tape a deposition about the V, and he gives a full rundown of Russell’s history and what he’s up to now. He even admits that he wants to murder Russell himself. On forced lockdown by Nan, Eric and Pam share a very nice, reflective scene about their future and their past. Their relationship has somehow managed to feel the most real and nuanced on the entire show this season. Love them. The verdict comes down from the Authority and in light of the impending passage of the Vampire Rights Amendment they decide to wash their hands of the whole thing and let Eric kill Russell as he wishes, as long has he does it quietly and off the books.

Talbot’s murder has finally propelled Russell into declaring his true intentions, and he does it in the most dramatic way possible: by de-spining a reporter on live television. As you do. After pulling out the poor anchorman’s insides on national television, Russell denounces the Vampire Rights Amendment and basically threatens to eat everyone in America before throwing to the weather report. Russell is awesome.

At Sookie’s house of illicit bloody vampire sex, Sookie and Bill are, um, getting clean while getting dirty at the same time. After cleaning themselves they move on to cleaning up after the fight by clearing out the dead werewolves from the living room and cleaning up their relationship by answering questions about the file Bill had on Sookie. Bill claims it was so he could figure out why Eric was so interested in Sookie. Later, Hadley admits that she was the one who told Sophie-Anne all about Sookie’s power and started her and Russell’s interest in Sookie. She then brings her son, Hunter, to Sookie to “test” if he has Sookie’s gifts. He does, which freaks Hadley out even more and she flees the scene before Sookie can say another word.

While Sookie is dealing with a freaked out Hadley, Bill gets a little dream visit from Claudine and her land of enchantment. Claudine is convinced Bill killed Sookie because of how much of her blood is in his system, and warns him to stay away from her. She also uses the magic light hands on him when he tries to bite her. From this encounter, Bill figures out what Sookie is but is too annoying to let the rest of us in on it.

Lafayette and Jesus bask in the afterglow and their mutual hotness. In the process, we learn that Jesus has an interesting Jaguar tattoo. Hmm. I’m sure that animal is not significant in any way, shape or form. Not on this show!

Jason is still dealing with his Crystal situation, as the ex she ran away from shows up at his apartment and causes all kind of trouble. They end up tying him to a tree, planting V on him and calling 911. Turns out, that was kind of a bad plan (whoda thunk it?) because all he does is beat up the responding officer within an inch of his life. Jason gets an idea of how to send the whole town of Hot Shot to jail (or foster care) but Crystal begs him not to send them into the system. On top of it all, her father Calvin shows up at Merlotte’s later and gets himself beat up by a charged-up Sam, and when Jason tries to stop her from going to the ER with him she breaks up with him yet again. Sigh. She. Is. Tiresome.

Tara goes to a survivor’s group (fellow attendee: Holly, the new Merlotte’s waitress) and is basically two seconds from falling apart at any moment throughout the episode. This situation doesn’t get any better when presumed-dead vampire/abuser Franklin Mott shows up to confront her for what she did to him. Just when he’s about to kill Tara, Jason shows up and takes him down for good with a wooden bullet. Good thinking from Jay Stackhouse, for once.

Also in this episode: Sam deals with his unruly brother;  Arlene considers aborting Rene’s baby; Hoyt and Summer visit Merlotte’s as a couple, and Hoyt admits he hates Summer and misses Jessica. Poor Jess. Just forget about that random trucker you killed and get back with Hoyt already!

Favorite quotes:

  • “Just once I’d like to not find a dead body in my house. Is that asking too much?” – Sookie
  • “Usually this is where I come up with an excuse to get you the f*** up out of here.” – Lafayette
  • “Could you not make me a rapist?” – Jason
  • “I’ll be d**ned. Maybe God loves f**s.” – Ruby
  • “She seems…short.” – Jessica (about Summer)

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credit: HBO

Posted by:Carrie Raisler