It’s November sweeps time, which means all of your favorite network TV shows are going to pull out their most intense, jaw-dropping storylines to try to get as many viewers as possible to tune in. To mark the beginning of sweeps on Oct. 30, here are Zap2it
‘s most zany, ridiculous and not-likely-to-happen-but-hopefully-will-anyway predictions for 20 of the hottest shows on TV.
Laurel is caught testing out her newfound fierceness as the Black Canary around Starling City and is exposed, angering Oliver. She immediately embraces her new role and is open about her true identity, inspiring Thea to join her and form a duo of female vigilantes.
In “The Alternate Reality Postulate,” the biggest comedy since “Friends” pays homage to “The One That Could Have Been” with a two-parter that examines a timeline in which Leonard and Amy are a long-lasting but chilly couple, Penny falls for Howard and Sheldon is inching haltingly toward physical contact with Bernadette. And just like that “Friends” episode, everyone eventually figures out they’re better off with how things are.
Reddington is revealed as Lizzie’s father … just kidding! They’re not going to do that until at least Season 5. Instead, to everyone’s horror, Liz remarries Tom and acts like nothing happened between them. It is later revealed that he was brainwashing her.
In a very special episode, the squad rallies around Capt. Holt after Gina discovers his Kwazy Kupcakes addiction has only worsened and he finally agrees to seek treatment. Meanwhile, Scully tries to help Hitchcock get his foot unstuck from a desk drawer.
Kate finally gets to put her undercover skills to work, stripping down to some sexy lingerie while investigating some shady business at a massage parlor with happy endings — throwing it back to the “Client List” days. Things continue to heat up as scandal rocks the BAU when Reid suddenly becomes aware of just how sexy Garcia can be and makes a move — forming the hottest couple in office history.
There’s a chill in the air, and only Jim Gordon and Harvey Bullock can defrost Gotham … with the help of Bruce Wayne and Oswald Cobblepot and maybe even Ivy Pepper. This week, Dr. Victor Fries (“That’s pronounced ‘Freeze’
.”) skates into town. Meanwhile, Barbara and Montoya reconnect on a more intimate level. (It’ll be just like Mischa Barton and Olivia Wilde on “The O.C.”) Welcome to Gotham, b****.
After a freak accident (duh), Kepner goes into premature labor and Bailey and the Chief hook up in the heat of the moment (finally). Meanwhile, Derek accepts the job at the White House only to find that Thatcher faked his own death and is now the Chief of Staff under President Fitzgerald (oh hi, “Scandal”). Meredith is once and for all not able to cope with the news and moves to Switzerland to live with Cristina.
Through flashbacks, audiences find out that Annalise knew about Sam’s affair long before she let on. When he went to Yale she set out to frame him for Lila’s murder, but the final moments reveal that Annalise is the real killer. OK, this one actually could come out being true.
Danny and Mindy decide to have a spur-of-the moment wedding. While Danny wants get married in a Catholic church, Mindy wants an extravagant beach wedding where all of her ex-boyfriends and flings will stand by her side as her bridesmaids.
This show loves to do babies, so who’s up this time? Probably Haley, who will now never leave her parents’ basement. The father is Jay and Gloria’s nanny Andy, of course.
Rayna pulls a runaway bride on her lavish wedding day with Luke, sprinting straight into the arms of — guess who? Deacon. Cue a beaming Maddie. Will decides to divorce Layla and step out publicly as a single gay country star and, of course, finds more fame as a gay icon than he ever would have on the newlyweds’ cheesy reality show. Juliette deems Avery too irresponsible to raise the couple’s baby with and asks her movie co-star Noah West to assume the responsibility. Since the two are both attendees at the “Ruke” nuptials, West proposes and the two wed on the spot.
Finally fed up with all of his lies, Belle uses the dagger to kill Rumpelstiltskin and becomes The Dark One and the new tormentor of the fairy-tale characters in Storybrooke. Robin Hood tries to get the dagger back from her, so out of anger she also kills Marian. While this should free up Robin to be with Regina, he’s too consumed with guilt to love anyone again. Sorry, Regina.
Fitz and Jake both decide they are tired of Olivia Pope’s shenanigans and become lovers. This in turn leads Fitz to push through a federal law legalizing gay marriage, cementing his status as the worst Republican ever. Cyrus, seeing the clear love between the new men, is finally able to forgive Jake for killing James. Similarly, Mellie finally can let Fitz go for good to run off with the true love of her life, Andrew. Not complaining about those gay scenes now, are we?
Walter O’Brien and his genius team face their biggest, and most meta, test yet when a DARPA prototype — a desert-warfare vehicle built to resemble an actual giant scorpion — becomes self-aware and starts rampaging through the Mojave. Their only hope may lie in modifying and greatly amplifying Paige’s perfect pitch to disrupt the mecha-scorpion’s sensors.
Finally, what everyone’s been waiting for: A “Sleepy Hollow” episode that forgets the mythology and focuses on Ichabod’s confusion with the present day. This is an entire hour dedicated to Ichabod being alternately confused by, disappointed with and angered by modern life and technologies. Costarring Yolanda, the OnStar lady.
Having exhausted all of the typical one-location stalker cases it could think of early on, “Stalker” has moved on to bigger and better things. That’s right — road trip! Beth and Jack, a ’67 Impala and all the classic tunes you can think of are all “Stalker” needs to take things to that next level. If you’re a stalker in the continental United States, you’re officially on the highway to Hell.
Crowley gets sick of all the backlash he’s been getting from the demons in Hell — and misses Dean so much — that he intakes enough human blood to lose his demon-ness to become full human. He joins up with the Winchesters to become their third hunting partner, where he and Dean force Sam to go to various karaoke bars in a new town for every episode airing in November. Castiel sulks about the new arrangement, and none of them acknowledge any other character other than each other.
While much of Season 6 has surrounded Elena getting over Damon and the quest to find where he and Bonnie actually are, this imaginary sweeps episode focuses on the show’s true star, Caroline. Klaus returns to profess his true love to her, but it’s too late — Stefan has already swept her off her feet. They ride into the sunset for their own spinoff, leaving the way-too-dramatic Mystic Falls behind.
What are your hopes for this year’s November sweeps?