bachelorette season 11 premiere abc 'Bachelorette' bachelor bios: 25 guys, 25 tattoosKaitlyn Bristowe and Britt Nilsson’s 25 eligible bachelors have been announced by ABC, which means it’s time to read (and laugh at, and mock) the bios on the “Bachelorette” site.

But in case you don’t have that kind of time, Zap2it is here to help. Here are the highlights (lowlights?) from the men’s Q&As.

The questionnaire asks if they have tattoos. There are approximately 25 between the men, though nine of those belong to good ol’ Joshua (below).

joshua a the bachelorette abc 'Bachelorette' bachelor bios: 25 guys, 25 tattoosThere weren’t nearly as many guys who fear diarrhea on a date as Chris Soules’ bachelorettes said they do, but there were still three whose biggest date fear is gastrointestinal distress of some kind — Ben H. (left), Shawn E. (middle) and Brady (right, who might secretly be Jimmy Fallon in disguise).

ben h shawn e brady bachelorette abc 'Bachelorette' bachelor bios: 25 guys, 25 tattoosFar and away the best (worst) date fear belongs to Jonathan (below): “My mom walking in holding a Kleenex to my nose and ordering me to blow.”  ….. um, what?

Jonathan also wins the award for single greatest quote on his questionnaire with his answer to “do you consider yourself a romantic?” He writes, “Yes! Because I try to always listen and attend to a woman’s needs. Not just in the bedroom, but all around. That can be very romantic to the right woman.”

Listen, friend — first of all, what person doesn’t like being listened to? Secondly, that’s not “romantic,” that should just be what a partner does.

jonathan abc bachelorette 'Bachelorette' bachelor bios: 25 guys, 25 tattooschris cory bachelorette abc 'Bachelorette' bachelor bios: 25 guys, 25 tattoosChris (left) and Cory (right) win for weirdest date fears. Chris fears that “the girl tries to eat [his] food,” which only brings this to mind:

… while Cory fears “finding out [his] date’s really a dude.” Really? Really?

Ian (below) would most like to have lunch with “Jimmy Kimmel — smart, funny, family man, seems like a really good man.” ABC can (will) probably make that happen, Ian.

ian thomson bachelorette abc 'Bachelorette' bachelor bios: 25 guys, 25 tattoosAnd finally, Shawn B. (below) wins the award for best sense of humor, as he lists his favorite musical artists as “Jason Aldean, Blake Shelton, and obviously, One Direction.”

shawn b bachelorette abc 'Bachelorette' bachelor bios: 25 guys, 25 tattoosObviously.

“The Bachelorette” two-night premiere airs Monday, May 18 and Tuesday, May 19 at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.

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Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."