“The Daily Show’s” senior women’s correspondent Kristen Schaal is here to shed some light on an epidemic threatening the nation’s teens — girls wearing leggings to school.
“Leggings don’t belong in schools! They don’t belong anywhere! Whose idea were they anyway? ‘Uh, you like sausage casing and camel toe? Wait til you put these on?!'” says Schaal.
She then expertly dismantles the arguments against wearing leggings, like pointing out that it’s not about being “professional” if male classmates get to come to school in baggy jeans and ratty T-shirts, and satirically saying that “it’s the boys that are the true victims here.”
“Please, middle-aged dads — tell us what we can wear to make you more comfortable,” says Schaal, introducing a segment on Fox News where three middle-aged men determined which of three women were dressed in an acceptable manner. “See, these men just don’t want any creeps staring at their daughters the way they’re about to creepily stare at someone else’s daughters.”
To combat the problem, Schaal has designed leggings “guaranteed to protect men by killing their boners dead.” The choices include vomit leggings, hairy leggings and iTunes terms & conditions leggings.