In the Jan. 18 episode of “Girls,” Hannah is dealing with her loneliness in Iowa and it is triggering some serious OCD returns. Her desperation has her resorting to making collect calls to friends and family, but when she calls Shoshanna and Jessa, she interrupts the two swooning over an especially noteworthy episode of “Scandal.”
While it is easy to understand the girls’ obsession with the addictive ABC drama, something Shosh says creates the perfect opportunity to give her a stern talking to about her relationship priorities — not to mention point out which relationship on the show should get her full attention.
“I hope someday that I know the passion that Huck feels for Quinn,” Shoshanna says while watching an intense scene between Huckleberry Quinn — the fan name for Huck (Guillermo Diaz) and Quinn’s (Katie Lowes) disturbing and absurd pairing.
Clearly Shosh is shipping the wrong “Scandal” relationship — which says a lot about her future love endeavors — and Zap2it feels it’s time for an intervention.
First of all, you are awesome. You are self-aware, goal-oriented and a fabulous friend. Now, let’s talk about your Huckleberry Quinn shipping. While no relationship on “Scandal” could really be described as functional, the one between Huck and Quinn isn’t as much passionate, as it is destructive and weird.
There are so many reasons why you shouldn’t get it twisted when it comes to Huck and Quinn. For starters, the romance basically started with lizard kisses. Is that hot to you, to have a guy come up and lick your face up and down in slow motion? If it is, therapy might be in order. While everyone is turned on by different things, we doubt you find getting your own teeth pulled out an aphrodisiac.
Honestly Shosh, it must be tough to have someone like Marnie have casual sex with the love of your life. But seriously girlfriend, do you really want Ray to tie you up and have your teeth pulled out? What has happened to you? That’s not passion. May we remind you Huck and Quinn’s “connection” started over torturing people for a living.
You say you want to feel the passion that Huck feels for Quinn, but most of the time he doesn’t even like her. His main loyalty is to Olivia, and his heart belongs to the family that he’s trying to reconnect with. Huck isn’t Quinn’s one and only either — she had an equally dysfunctional relationship with Charlie. Huck and Quinn don’t have passion, they have hormones and weird fetishes.
None of this is to say that “Scandal” isn’t a good place to find romantic inspiration — you’re just looking at the wrong couple. If passion is what you’re looking for then Fitz and Olivia is where you need to be taking notes. While they also aren’t the poster couple of healthy or functional, at least Fitz hasn’t performed amateur dentistry on Olivia and knows how to have good phone sex. So seriously think about switching to Team Fitz if you want to feel something real.
Your head is screwed on pretty straight, so please stop shipping one of the most dysfunctional relationships on TV. That can’t mean good things are ahead for you in the romance department — unless this is your idea of love.
Seriously Shosh, check yourself before you wreck yourself and end up getting a rim job from someone else’s boyfriend over your kitchen sink — yeah, we’re talking to you Marnie. That’s a dark place we don’t want to see you end up. Remember, you deserve more!