So you went the extra mile last year decorating the house, buying plenty of candy and even getting yourself in the spirit of Halloween. Everyone loved what you did and all your trick-or-treaters seemed to go away happy. And still, your house got egged.
That’ll teach you.
This year, instead of wasting your time trying to please a bunch of ingrates and miscreants, why not draw the curtains, shut off all the lights and do something constructive like watch TV? And since it is, after all, Halloween, why not tune in to the fine holiday fare being offered by the broadcast and cable networks this week?
Probably the most noteworthy is on FOX with the “Bones”/“Sleepy Hollow” crossover on Thursday (Oct. 29), which finds Brennan and Booth (Emily Deschanel, David Boreanaz) crossing paths with Ichabod Crane and Abbie Mills (Tom Mison, Nicole Beharie) as they seek clues related to the discovery of grisly human remains. Over on NBC, it’s the Season 5 premiere of “Grimm” on Friday (Oct. 30), which picks up where Season 4 left off, with Nick (David Giuntoli) going rogue following the deaths of his mother and girlfriend.
In a more humorous vein is the new Starz horror/comedy series “Ash vs. Evil Dead” on Halloween night Saturday (Oct. 31), in which Bruce Campbell resurrects his monster-hunter character from his B-movies of the 1980s. Also that night on Sundance Channel is the second-season opener of the award-winning international hit “The Returned,” about inhabitants of an idyllic French mountain town who are unaware they’re dead.
Destination America on Friday takes a page from “The Exorcist” in presenting “Exorcism: Live!” in which an actual exorcism is performed at the suburban St. Louis house that inspired the 1973 horror classic.
Also live is A&E Network’s “Fear: Buried Alive” on Monday (Oct. 26), in which — yep — three people are buried in coffins, where they endure, as the press release says, “a series of escalating horrors designed to test the strength of their psyches.” As if being buried alive wasn’t test enough.
For sheer quantity, you can’t beat Syfy, which has the final week of its eighth annual “31 Days of Halloween,” featuring Halloween-themed episodes of series including “Ghost Hunters,” featuring Jason Hawes and the TAPS team, and “Paranormal Witness” (Wednesday, Oct. 28) and wall-to-wall spooky flicks such as “Cabin in the Woods,” “The Omen,” “The Fog” and “Zombie Apocalypse” — airing multiple times. Boo!
Foodies will also have a smorgasbord of themed programming from which to choose on Food Network, including finales of “Halloween Wars” (Sunday, Oct. 25) and “Halloween Baking Championship” (Monday) and holiday editions of “Southern at Heart (Sunday) and “Beat Bobby Flay” (Monday). The network also offers up recipes throughout the day on Sunday. And over on sister network Cooking Channel, “Ro’s Tasty Treats” shows how to throw a spook-tastic Halloween party.
Finally, it’s not officially Halloween without the annual “Treehouse of Horrors” episode of “The Simpsons” on Sunday, in which Bart dies and radiation exposure gives Lisa, Bart and Milhouse superpowers. Cowabunga!