Leave it to some frustrating action -- or inaction, as it were -- by our government to really bring the old Stephen Colbert out from hiding. After the shooting in Orlando, it didn't take long for the senate to block a series of gun control measures that would make it harder for those on the Terror Watch List from buying firearms.
On Tuesday (June 21), the news fed up the "Late Show" host so much that he finally took the gloves off. “I don’t understand you, senators," Colbert says. "Ninety-two percent of Americans want to expand background checks for gun buyers, and you ignore them. Since when does just eight percent of the population get to have total control of an issue?”
Colbert continues, “I’m sorry. I know how hard it must be to be in the Senate and find common ground in such a politically fraught issue and ... you know what? Fuck that. I’m going to take the gloves off.” What transpired was a beautiful series of takedowns reminiscent of the classic Colbert we haven't seen enough of since his move to CBS.
At the sound of the bell, he came out swinging and these are the jabs:
- "Hey Senate! My dog accomplished more than you this week, when it rolled over and licked its nuts!"
- "Hey Senate! I’ve seen bugs trapped in amber move faster than you!"
- "Hey! You guys think a Terrorists Watch List is when you put ‘Homeland’ on your Netflix queue!"
- "Hey! You might as well ask the gun lobby to check for a hernia as long as they’ve got your balls in their hands!"
- "Senate, you couldn’t pass a bill if it was coated in Ex-Lax. But if you ever did pass a bill, it would say ‘Be it resolved: No kissing and the NRA should just leave the money on the dresser.'"
- "Senate ... you accomplished so little that Kylie Jenner wants to know what the hell you do for a living!"
- "Senate, you got more old white men lying around than a Life Alert ad!"
- "You are so divided, you couldn’t come together if you had 30 hours and a reach-around from Sting!"
And finally, the knockout punch: "You’re like a grandpa after an all-starch dinner. You cannot get shit done!"