Now that Archie (Raphael Sbarge) is free again, we hope everyone in the extended “Once Upon a Time” family tree decides to book a therapy session with him pronto.
It has become painfully obvious that each member of this wonky family is suffering from some serious issues, and we can’t help but feel like at least half of those issues could be solved by sitting down and talking it out with someone. Honesty is the best policy after all, and with a mediator like Archie around, we can’t figure out why more of these people aren’t in therapy.
Couples therapy — Rumbelle
Rumplestiltskin (Robert Carlyle) and Belle (Emilie de Ravin) are in serious need of a couples counselor. Between Rumple cheating with the Evil Queen and his ridiculous tendency to try to solve all his emotional problems with magic, we’ve got a textbook case of a toxic relationship here. Let’s not lay all the blame on Rumple though; Belle seems to be a little to quick to condemn her husband and jump to the worst possible conclusion whenever something goes wrong between them. Couples counseling could do them good considering they’ve got a wee one on the way.
Grief counseling — Regina
Try as she might, Regina is (Lana Parrilla) still grieving over losing Robin (Sean Maguire), and getting over that particular hurdle is going to be necessary if she ever wants to rebuild a relationship with her sister. As long as Regina is grieving for Robin and blaming Zelena (Rebecca Mader) for it, she’s never going to be able to defeat the Evil Queen.
Family therapy — Henry & Hook
We don’t blame Henry (Jared Gilmore) for pulling a “you’re not my real dad!” tantrum with Hook (Colin O’Donoghue), especially considering he barely got to know his real father before losing him. Still, we feel like the father-son issues between Henry and Hook won’t be so easily fixed by one underwater adventure together, so let’s get these two in to see Archie ASAP.
Life coach — The Evil Queen
The Evil Queen might be her own unique identity, but even she seems to have multiple personalities. Her motives and moods change day by day, and we can’t nail down what she’s actually trying to achieve with each new evil plot. Turn Henry evil? Kill Snow White (Ginnifer Goodwin)? Drive Emma (Jennifer Morrison) nuts? Seduce Rumplestiltskin? She needs a life coach immediately to help her figure out her own endgame.
Stress management — Emma
With the fate of Storybrooke constantly hanging over her head, a new happy ending to maintain and the threat of impending death looming, we’d say Emma is in need of some serious stress management sessions. Or maybe a Saviors support group? Whatever the case, her sessions with Archie aren’t fixing her shaking problem, so she might want to look into other methods.
“Once Upon a Time” airs Sundays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.