It’s been eleven seasons of “Supernatural” and Sam and Dean Winchester are still going strong.
Between the trials and tribulations, the deaths and the demons, it feels like everyone’s favorite hunters are not down for the count quite yet. But with their striking good looks and the tragic hero complex the duo shares, it’s a wonder how they have survived this long — with said looks still in tact.
Yes, this is fiction. And yes, this is fiction in the form of a CW TV series, but our two heroes have been through the wringer more regularly than Donald Trump talks about how rich he is.
So, after watching every episode in the series, let’s take a minute and break down five of the reasons why Sam and Dean Winchester wouldn’t survive in real life.
Alcoholics, Not So Anonymous
Look, if it’s one thing that is pretty obvious on the show, it’s that Dean loves his vices. Whether they be the alcoholic variety (beer, whiskey, whatever you’ve got on tap) or illicit substances (there’s been references to weed and LSD throughout the series), the more fun of the two brothers definitely has his way of coping with the realities around him.
And while we’re referring to a show that deals quite regularly with supernatural — for lack of a better word — elements, it’s hard to believe Dean’s pretty boy looks and physique would remain as intact as it has. Suspension of disbelief is strong here!
Psychological Trauma In Spades
While it’s worth pointing out repeatedly that “Supernatural” is a work of fiction following two hunky boys who solve monster-of-the-week mysteries each week, let’s try and stick with reality as best we can. And while addiction is definitely Dean’s main struggle in life (the Darkness and the Mark of Cain, not withstanding), let’s turn our attention to the moose himself, Sam Winchester.
He’s the more brooding of the two brothers and likes to keep his emotional issues bottled up inside, but there’s something to be said for a guy who was banished to Hell and kept in a cage along with Satan. Whether it’s reality or make-believe, that sort of stuff really has to take its toll on a person. It’s a wonder that Sam Winchester isn’t flat out, run through the streets naked, batsh**t insane at this point!
Oh, and having one’s face on fire also has got to suck pretty bad.
A Glutton for Punishment
Yes, back to Dean and his addictive personality. It’s pretty safe to say that continual drug use can harm one’s mind and body, leaving lasting effects that will leave their inner and outer self quite damaged. But let’s also not forget this Winchester brother’s penchant for eating fast food.
Burgers and beer, steak and whiskey. There have been few exceptions where Dean has dropped the junk food for a healthier option but, in terms of believability … these dudes would not be as pleasing to the eye if a steady diet of red meats and brews were consumed on the regular.
Never A Good Night’s Sleep
These two hunters are well known throughout heaven and that other place as a force to be reckoned with. But between the psychological trauma, the grief, the daddy issues, the horrible diets, the constant fighting, and the knowledge that monsters exist, one very important thing that must be had by both men tends to be consistently lacking throughout the series: a good night’s sleep.
Sure, the Winchesters have proven their mettle and constitution in battles against everything from vampires and werewolves to shape-shifters, demons, angels, and even each other. But at the end of the day, after the burgers and the fighting and whatever other kooky things the guys get themselves into, a decent night of rest should be what is hunted for.
11 Seasons and the majority of the time they spend are either in weird motels or that sweet Impala. But no matter how lovely Dean’s baby is, it doesn’t beat the simple mental and physical comforts of a bed.
Hellooo, Looney Bin
What it comes down to is this: if Sam and Dean Winchester existed in real life and all the TV show’s baggage came with them, it’s pretty obvious these two heroes would be locked up straight away. I mean, there’s only so much talk about hunting demons, fighting monsters, and befriending angels one can take before being tossed into a padded cell.
Not to mention the claims of time spent in Purgatory and the number of instances both men have died, allegedly been possessed, battled ghosts, and impersonated classic rock musicians.
Thankfully for us all, Sam and Dean Winchester continue to kick butt on-screen and no matter how damaged and flawed the brothers are … they give the rest of us junk food loving slackers someone to look up to. Plus, that Dean sure is dreamy.
“Supernatural” airs Wednesdays at 9:00 p.m. PT/ET on The CW.