Are you ready to get knee-deep in another season of “The Bachelorette”? Because it’s almost here, and the new cast is boasting one of its most bizarre groups of men yet.
How bizarre, you ask? Let Zap2it share with you the six craziest things about the cast of “The Bachelorette” Season 12. Perhaps this will help you figure out rankings for that fantasy league you’re gearing up for.
1. Ho Ho Huh?
If you glanced at the cast photo, you may see something out of place. Is that Santa Claus competing for JoJo’s heart? It’s not, instead it’s a dude in a Santa costume, which is only sort of really creepy.
In case you’re not familiar enough with the men of “The Bachelorette” yet, that’s Nick B., the 33-year-old electrical engineer. What’s the over/under on how long it takes him to ask JoJo to sit on his lap and say whether she’s been a good girl this year?
You’re already weird, Nick.
2. ‘Unemployed’ is practically a curse word
When you’re trying to impress a woman on national TV, telling her you don’t have a job is probably frowned upon. Luckily, these men have come up with interesting, though not really creative, ways around that.
Robby, for instance, lists himself as a former competitive swimmer. Everybody is a former something, but there’s no telling what he’s doing now. Likewise, Jordan is a former pro quarterback.
Meanwhile, Brandon’s occupation is simply “hipster,” which isn’t a job at all. It’s actually a subculture whose members typically look down on the name. So he’s a self-loathing hipster, no less.
3. Wait, the James Taylor?
Can you believe it? Singer/songwriter James Taylor is going to be on “The Bachelorette”! Well, kind of. A singer/songwriter named James Taylor will be vying for a rose, but it’s definitely not the one you’re hoping for.
This James is 29, has an American flag tattoo and wishes he could be Michael Jordan for a day. Good luck, James!
4. ABC better invest in a Blu-ray copy of ‘Gladiator’
All 26 potential love matches were asked their favorite movies and there’s a wide array of comedies, action films and dramas, but one film rose to the top. Five of these guys listed “Gladiator” as their favorite film. Who knew anyone but Russell Crowe would do that?
What’s scarier is 26-year-old Jake says “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III” is one of his favorites. That’s shocking because it’s a terrible movie that killed a franchise, but you do you, Jake!
5. An ‘erectile dysfunction expert’ could prove to be an asset
Evan may end up being the most entertaining guy in a house full of dudes trying to hook up with JoJo. He’s an “erectile dysfunction expert,” which could prove useful when the show is overflowing with testosterone and someone needs to lay down some harsh realities about guys who can’t … perform.
Then again, he also claims, “I believe I’m in touch with my sexual energy and it’s very powerful and beautiful.” So he may be a wild card in the making.
6. Harry Potter: Civil War
There may be a war brewing on “The Bachelorette,” forcing all of these guys to take a side — for or against the “Harry Potter” series. Coley lists the books as his favorites. “It’s something that I grew up with and it got me into reading,” he says.
Then there’s Grant, a firefighter, who is definitely not a fan. When asked his worst date memory, he remembers, “Getting lunch with a girl and listening to her talk about Harry Potter for 20 minutes.”
When Coley brings up Pottermore on his tablet to sort his fellow contestants into houses — he’s probably a Hufflepuff — chances are Grant isn’t going to be interested. Pick your sides now men, the fight is on.
7. Who could be scared of an adorable kitten?
How can someone possibly be afraid of a fluffy kitten? That’s something they’re going to need to ask Derek, who claims he has a serious fear of them. There’s no explanation given, but it makes you wonder if a kitten wronged him in the past.
After all, this is a guy who says, “The only thing a man really needs is duct tape.” That is unless a little fuzzball wants to be petted, then duct tape will be useless.