We can see it now. You and your family gathered around the Christmas tree, candles burning, lights twinkling, cookies scattered everywhere, and you say “Hey, I have an idea! Let’s watch the Amy Schumer ‘Live at the Apollo’ stand-up special, Grandma!”
Well. Something like that. Maybe.
In partnership with HBO Digital, Zap2it has three digital codes to redeem for your own copy of “Amy Schumer: Live at the Apollo.” Because we’re giving away codes that work only through HBODigitalHD.com, you’ll receive the codes immediately once we select winners. Full instructions on downloading your digital copy of “Live at the Apollo” will be included in the email.
You must be over 18 years old, and a resident of the U.S. to win. Entries will be accepted until Monday, Dec. 21st at 12pm ET and codes will be emailed by 5pm ET on Monday, Dec. 21.
And while you’re entering the sweepstakes, you can check out our five favorite lines from the special:
Schumer loves NYC, hates L.A.:
“I just love New York because it’s a town where I can get laid. I can catch a D here kinda whenevs. I was in L.A. for a while and, um, can’t. Can’t there. Just in case you’ve never been to L.A. … everyone is hot there. Everybody. I saw a guy cleaning up a Pizza Hut bathroom — I would have paid this guy to f*** me. I would have paid him good money. People just don’t even see me there, they’re like, ‘Is that a fat tumbleweed?'”
On her movie ‘Trainwreck’:
They were like, ‘No, we want you to be in the movie.’ … We just need you to do three things: 1) Be yourself. 2) Have fun. 3) Stop eating food. … They got me a trainer … he’s walking toward me, trying to be brave like the way you would with a burn victim. … From not drinking, I lost like 10 pounds and this trainer acted like he taught Helen Keller how to read.”
She’s in comedy for the right reasons:
“I’ve been on the road doing stand-up for 11 years and — this is gonna make some of you gasp — I have never gotten laid after a show. Male stand-ups? P*** as far as the eye can see. Female comics it’s not that way. What I’m saying is I’m not in this for the d***.”
She’s not afraid to talk about medical issues:
“A UTI, in case you don’t know, is not a college online. It is a urinary tract infection. I just got my first UTI at 33 … and nobody tells you how embarrassing it’s gonna be. Nobody’s like, ‘How’d you get it?’ You know how I got it. I had sex and then I was too lazy to pee right after. I chose to lay there like a c** dumpster.”
On the state of her vagina:
“Gun to my head, ‘Amy, what does your p**** look like?’ Um, probably like the mouth of an old lounge singer, there’s like a cigarette hanging out of it. She’s like doing the Charleston and scatting, calls everybody honey.”